Excerpts from Tim Lane and Paul Trip in
Relationships: A Mess Worth Making; Chapter 9: Forgiveness. (Emphasis added.)
When you forgive someone, you cancel a debt. But, more
specifically,
you make a conscious choice to absorb the cost yourself. . . . No
matter how you spin it,
forgiveness is costly. Regardless of how big or small
the offense,
canceling a debt and absorbing the cost is going to hurt. But the
parable
[Matt.
18:21-35] shows us that not forgiving also has a price, and
it is higher than the price forgiveness demands. . . .
We’re tempted to think that once we have forgiven someone,
we’re done. But forgiving someone is not just a past event. It’s something we
must continue to practice, even when we are dealing with an offense we have
already forgiven. Even if I have forgiven you for something you have done in
the past, I need to be careful that I don’t slip into bitterness some time in
the future. I need to keep practicing forgiveness every time I see you or think
of you. . . .
Mark 11:25 – And when you stand praying, if you hold anything
against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your
sins.
Luke 17:3 – If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he
repents, forgive him.
The verses are talking about two different aspects of
forgiveness. Mark 11:25 is talking about forgiveness as a heart attitude before
God. The context is worship. When I consider someone’s sin as I stand before
the Lord, I am called to have an attitude of forgiveness towards the person who
sinned against me. This is non-negotiable. I do not have the right to withhold
forgiveness and harbor bitterness in my heart. Luke 17:3, on the other hand, is
talking about forgiveness as a horizontal transaction between me and the
offender. This is often referred to as reconciliation. The point Luke 17:3
makes is that, while I am to have an attitude of forgiveness before the Lord, I
can only grant forgiveness to the other person if he repents and admits he has
sinned against me. Even if he never does this, I am called to maintain an
attitude of forgiveness toward the offender. The vertical aspect of forgiveness
is unconditional, but the horizontal aspect depends on the offender admitting
guilt and asking for forgiveness.
…It is one thing to gain clarity on what forgiveness is and
isn’t; it is another to actually practice it.
As you ponder your true identity in Christ, do you recognize
how wealthy you are? This is the only foundation for the kind of radical
forgiveness Jesus calls you to practice. Only by grace can you do this. You can’t
read and reread 1 Peter 1 and Matthew 18 and still want to rip someone apart. If
you are a beneficiary of God’s costly grace, you will practice costly grace
with others.
Let me close with this real life illustration. A Turkish
officer raided and looted an Armenian home. He killed the aged parents and gave
the daughters to the soldiers, keeping the eldest daughter for himself. Some
time later she escaped and trained as a nurse. As time passed, she found
herself nursing in a ward of Turkish officers. One night, by the light of a
lantern, she saw the face of this officer. He was so gravely ill that without
exceptional nursing he would die. The days passed, and he recovered. One day,
the doctor stood by the bed with her and said to him, “But for her devotion to
you, you would be dead.” He looked at her and said, “We have met before, haven’t
we?” “Yes,” she said, “we have met before.” “Why didn’t you kill me?” he asked.
She replied, “I am a follower of him who said ‘Love your enemies.’”
By God’s amazing grace, may we imitate this sister in Christ
in our lives and relationships.
photo: construction on the church property today
