Can you handle this?

Yesterday evening I began to feel sick (head draining, sinus pressure, almost fever but not quite). I fought through it at work today and am still fighting it. By the end of the day, I had more to do than I could handle or finish by my 4:30 "end time." It all would probably have taken me 2 extra hours. My body felt like it couldn't take any more and was demanding that I shut down and sleep. It was already after 4:00, but more items for the day were still coming at me, and I hit a wall. I came to the end of myself. It's not a far way to go to get there (believe me!). While crying in the restroom, the only private place for me at work, God cared for me. He told me that yes I cannot handle this, but He can. He told me what to do, very clearly. Almost all at once He gave me my game-plan: reply to Steve's email and ask if he can call about the payroll issue instead of you; ask Angela to help you with the Children's Ministry rosters and Bookstore inventory for Sunday; look up the new bank's hours online to see if they have Saturday hours so you're not pressed for time (which they probably do - trust Me). All this was so clear, and clearly from my Father because my own mind could not process even just one single thought clearly at this point. And he said more. He said - I am the One who cares for you. I use others to help you, but it is I Myself who cares and provides. Now go walk in what I have made clear. And He was faithful. He could not have been otherwise. Others helped me when I asked, and I left work only one hour late instead of two.

This is a snapshot of one day, and it mirrors my life. What God has made clear to me recently is what He makes clear in His Word. He is reminding me that:

1. You need more time with me and in my Word each day. Do not starve yourself, but come eat and drink of Me. (Rom. 15:4; Jer. 15:16; Psalm 42:1-2)
2. You need others. They are the means by which I desire to work in you. (Heb. 10:23-25)
3. Yes, you may feel that you are spread too thin and do not have enough time to do these things, but I am calling you to them. And if I tell you something, you can trust it will work out for your best.

God is teaching me that He is enough. He is more than enough. He looks after me, and He is all that I need. He is the beginning and the end. He uses others, but He is enough. Walk in what He has made clear; you can trust Him. He will be faithful. How do we know? Because He has been faithful. He has been faithful at the cross and He will be faithful to bring me to the end. God is good, and He loves me.

This is what He is teaching me, and this is what I will be learning my whole life long.

I life up my eyes to the hills.

From where does my help come?

My help comes from the LORD,

who made heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot be moved;

he who keeps you will not slumber.

Behold, he who keeps Israel

will neither slumber nor sleep.

The LORD is your keeper;

the LORD is your shade on your right hand.

The sun shall not strike you by day,

nor the moon by night.

The LORD will keep you from all evil;

he will keep your life.

The LORD will keep

your going out and your coming in

from this time forth and forevermore.

Psalm 121

photo: Thanksgiving 2007; Lititz, PA (Adele Wegert)

No Wasted Suffering

A friend sent this to me yesterday and my pastor posted this on our church blog today.  It keeps popping up, and it is encouraging to read.  So, I recommend reading Stephen Altrogge's post: No Wasted Suffering.

Do you notice how James tells us to count it joy when we encounter trials of various kinds? Not just big, “I’ll probably give a testimony about this someday” kind of trials. All trials. Even the little, annoying things, that don’t seem exactly like trials but still tempt us to grumble and complain. Yeah, count those as joy too.

Feasting or Starving?

For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. - Romans 15:4

I need endurance, encouragement, and hope. I need God's Word. Do I starve myself, living on granola bar-like doses of God's Word each day? I need to feast on the Scriptures daily.

Your words were found, and I ate them, and your words became to me a joy and the delight of my heart, for I am called by your name, O LORD, God of hosts. - Jeremiah 15:16

As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. - Psalm 42:1-2

photo: Leipzig, Germany 2007

Uncertainty in Speech

I saw this tonight on an older blog post by Rebekah.

I have nothing personally invested in my own opinions. I'm just like inviting you to join me on the bandwagon of my own uncertainty. What has happened to our conviction? Where are the limbs out on which we once walked?

I think this is a good observation of my generation in particular (myself included). We live in a culture of relativism, and the limbs of relativism are not strong enough to be walked upon with conviction.
If you truly believe in the gospel, I think you will have enough conviction to speak about it with certainty...even if you, like, cannot always find the totally right words, you know? Not budging on the fact that we are sinners who deserve the wrath of God and are heading to hell apart from Christ's sacrifice - the only true way to a right relationship with God and eternal life with Him in heaven - may turn people away because of how "intolerant" we are. But in a world of uncertainty, God will draw people to Himself through our witness of a certain hope in the gospel. There are so many things that I do not know or understand, but God has granted me the gift of salvation. And by His grace, He will make everything else clear in relation to the gospel.

In the shadow of the cross

Let everything fall into place again

Jesus Christ my sacrifice

How I need to find Your grace again

Jesus Christ my perfect priest

How You understand my weaknesses

Thank You for Your gift to me

Through Your sufferings I now possess this peace

And nothing I can do could add to all You've done

So let my soul be satisfied

As I receive Your favor I will overcome

So in my life by glorified.

Paul Oakley

He cares

God is my Father, and He cares. All the time, He cares for me. When others do not, He does. When I do not deserve it, which is all of the time, He cares. He shows this to me, not when I am licking my wounds of self-pity or bitterness, but when I am undone by my sinfulness before a Holy God. When I rightly see God as God and myself as the chief of sinners, He reminds me that He is my loving Father. He cares. Why would He care? "Why should I gain from His reward? I cannot give an answer. But this I know with all my heart, His wounds have paid my ransom." Jesus really is the lover of my soul, and I really do have the only true God as my Father. My Father cares.

How deep the Father's love for us

How vast beyond all measure

That He should give His only Son

To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss

The Father turns His face away

As wounds which mar the chosen One

Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross

My sin upon His shoulders

Ashamed I hear my mocking voice

Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there

Until it was accomplished

His dying breath has brought me life

I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything

No gifts, no power, no wisdom

But I will boast in Jesus Christ

His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?

I cannot give an answer

But this I know with all my heart

His wounds have paid my ransom

How Deep the Father's Love for Us; words and music by Stuart Townsend

copyright 1995 Thankyou Music (PRS)

photo: the Alps in Bolzano, Italy 2007

Grace is Greater

Last Friday night I went to the first part of Paul Tripp's seminar at Covenant Fellowship Church called Your Walk with God is a Community Project. He exhorted us to dive into intentionally intrusive, Christ-centered, grace driven relationships. These relationships are the God ordained means for us to keep our identity in Christ in focus (Hebrews 10:19-31). These points also stood out to me:

There is a significant difference between being amazed at something and putting your faith in something. It's not enough to be amazed by the gospel; you must live the gospel through faith.

Second Peter 1:3 should astound you and draw remarkable faith in you. "His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence." (emphasis added)

And on Monday I listened to the sermon preached at King of Grace Church when some of my family was there on an E-team July 11th.

Are you more aware of God and his goodness than your challenges, or are you more aware of your challenges than God, who is bigger than any challenge you may face? - Paul Buckley

Am I more aware of my sin than the grace of God? Do I underestimate his Spirit's power to work in me to conform me into the likeness of the Son? Then let me gaze at the Cross, where my sin indeed is real and ugly and miserable, but where my sin was taken from me and placed on the shoulders of Christ. My identity is no longer in my sin. My identity is found in Christ and His glory. Because I am in Christ, God is my Father. And in His goodness, my Father sent me His Spirit. My ugly deplorable sin still is actively working in me, each day battling for my desires. But I am no longer a slave to sin - the Holy Spirit is at work in me. God has granted me all things that pertain to life and godliness. Seeing my sin should not lead me to despair or hopelessness, but to amazement of the glorious finished work of the gospel and faith for seeing the glorious gospel continuing to work in me each moment of the day.
Though I may see the pervasiveness of my sin in even the minute details of my heart, God's grace penetrates deeper still.

photo: Charlotte, NC 2009

I Love the Cross

In My Heart

In my heart there is a treason

One that poisons all my love

Take my heart and consecrate it

Wash it in Your cleansing blood

Tie me to the Rock unchanging

Tie me to His wondrous Cross

I'll fix my eyes upon the Savior

All other things I count as loss

Tie me to the Rock unchanging

And His great redeeming love

King of Grace; copyright 2000 Sovereign Grace Worship (ASCAP)

Alas, and Did My Savior Bleed

Alas and did my Savior bleed - And did my Sovereign die - Would He devote that sacred head - For such a worm as I - Was it for sins that I had done - He groaned upon the tree - Amazing pity, grace unknown - And love beyond degree

My God why would

You shed Your blood

So pure and undefiled

To make a sinful one like me

Your chosen precious child

Well might the sun in darkness hide - And shut His glories in - When Christ the mighty Maker died - For man the creature's sin - Thus might I hide my blushing face - While His dear Cross appears - Dissolve my heart in thankfulness - And melt my eyes to tears

Love Beyond Degree; copyright 1997 Sovereign Grace Praise (BMI)

I Love the Cross

All my sins forgiven

Far removed as east from west

Cast into the depths of the ocean

Of grace and redeeming love

I love the place where my Savior died - I love the place where I was justified - I love the place - Where Your blood flowed down - To give me life - I love the Cross...The Cross of Christ

All my guilt atoned for

Every debt is paid in full

Though my sins were scarlet

Now I'm clean as a fresh fallen snow

Everlasting; copyright 1999 Sovereign Grace Praise (BMI)

photo: Agape farm, Mt. Union, PA 2009