Shame & Gratefulness

I recognized discouragement and a sense of shame in myself today in a more poignant way than I have in a while. These CCEF articles helped to take that shame and turn it into a tool to push me nearer to Christ instead of following an inclination to turn inward and hide in a dark hole in myself. And now I’m freshly grateful for how nothing can separate me from the love of Christ and that he actually uses ugly things like shame, whether shallow or deep, to draw me nearer to knowing him. Afterall, no one experienced shame to the degree he did.

These articles, by Ed Welsh and based on his book Shame Interrupted, both met me and moved me to desire to grow in showing more compassion to others who may feel shame. I can identify with both sides, feeling shame and shaming others through my selfish inconsideration. Thankful for a merciful God.

 

"The King of the universe enters into his kingdom with signs that he is both the King and the outcast. Shamed people would recognize him, even at his birth, as one of their own....The interruption of shame comes at an historical moment when Jesus took both guilt and shame to the cross and disarmed shame of its power." 

"He knows your name and will also give you his."

"For them, to be truly known is synonymous with rejection...Know anyone who considers their very existence an interruption to the lives of others? Know someone who punctuates most of their sentences with “I’m sorry.”? They know they need help but to ask anything of another is to be an infuriating interruption in someone’s life."

 

"Jesus' simple actions said,

'You are not an interruption.'

'I'm not afraid to connect with you.'

'I care about you.'

 

"I don’t want to be so eager to identify sin in others that I miss the more immediate need of compassion and love. Locating sin and speculating about poor motives really is a lot easier than being patient, kind, and compassionate. I want to give others what they need in the moment, not what is easy for me."

"I don’t want the people in my life to feel like an interruption. May God have mercy on me, because I think sometimes they do.

"If you want to know how to love the shamed more wisely, the first step is to look around for those 'sneaking up on you' just hoping to steal a touch and give it to them. Notice them. Make time for them. Invite them to give voice to their suffering. Embody and point them to the love of Christ.

Christ Interrupts Shame; Shame Interrupted: Finding Words; Shame Interrupted: He Knows My Name; How Do You Respond to People Who Feel Shame

Carry Your Cross

"Take up the cross, and follow me." — Mark 10:21
You have not the making of your own cross,... but your cross is prepared and appointed for you by divine love, and you are cheerfully to accept it; you are to take up the cross as your chosen badge and burden, and not to stand cavilling at it. This night Jesus bids you submit your shoulder to his easy yoke. Do not kick at it in petulance, or trample on it in vain-glory, or fall under it in despair, or run away from it in fear, but take it up like a true follower of Jesus. Jesus was a cross-bearer; he leads the way in the path of sorrow. Surely you could not desire a better guide!...
Take up your cross, and by the power of the Spirit of God you will soon be so in love with it, that like Moses, you would not exchange the reproach of Christ for all the treasures of Egypt. Remember that Jesus carried it, and it will smell sweetly; remember that it will soon be followed by the crown, and the thought of the coming weight of glory will greatly lighten the present heaviness of trouble. The Lord help you to bow your spirit in submission to the divine will ere you fall asleep this night, that waking with to-morrow's sun, you may go forth to the day's cross with the holy and submissive spirit which becomes a follower of the Crucified. - C.H. Spurgeon

What a natural little expert my heart is at childish tantrums and inward focused despair. What a patiently loving Father, who persists in both requiring obedience and persuading with the sweet mercies of surrender - of which the utmost is relationship with himself.

"Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart; Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art."

photo: Longwood Gardens 9.15.12

Strike! - motivation to persevere

Charles Spurgeon in Morning and Evening for July 17th wrote about battling sin. The week I read this, it resonated as life to my soul, and it still does.

Our darling sin must die. Spare it not for its much crying. Strike, though it be as dear as an Isaac. Strike, for God struck at sin when it was laid upon his own Son. With stern unflinching purpose must you condemn to death that sin which was once the idol of your heart. Do you ask how you are to accomplish this? Jesus will be your power. You have grace to overcome sin given you in the covenant of grace; you have strength to win the victory in the crusade against inward lusts, because Christ Jesus has promised to be with you even unto the end. If you would triumph over darkness, set yourself in the presence of the Sun of Righteousness. There is no place so well adapted for the discovery of sin, and the recovery from its power and guilt, as the immediate presence of God.  

The connections he makes are so powerful. Strong absolute truths of God, all connected. So centered on the cross and glory of God. So hope filled. Grace will triumph over sin. Good versus evil will prevail. The presence of God is both the goal and the way. Our fight against sin is not hopeless, not with Christ on our side. It is a worthy battle. I should not shirk it off. Why strike at sin? Because "God struck at sin when it was laid upon his own Son." How can I, a feeble wretched sinner, strike at my sin that so easily entangles me? Only by the power of Christ, which is mine because the Father "struck at sin when it was laid upon his own Son." Where do I go when I go to battle my sin? Under the shelter of His wing, in the presence of the most Holy One.

I want to know more of my God, and I want to kill more of my sin. I want others to help me. I want to help others. We are instruments in our Redeemer's hands for each others' sanctification, and we are in this together. But the only one worth having on our side is our God - and he is absolutely, irrevocably, eternally, comprehensively "for us!" His glory is at the center of his passion, and he will not be mocked. He has bought us and tied us permanently to himself. He is for us, and he has the victory.

If I have my eyes set on the goal, set on Christ, then I am equipped to strike sin.

John Piper, at New Attitude 2008:

Jesus himself, and all that God is for us in him, is our great reward, nothing less. Salvation is not mainly the forgiveness of sins, but mainly the fellowship with Jesus. Forgiveness just gets everything out of the way so this can happen.

There is purpose in this life. Depression speaks a dark and gloomy lie contrary to the brilliance of the light of truth. My purpose, my vision, is Christ. I am made for him. And I am called to spend this life preparing for eternity with him. That means putting to death sin and growing in my love for my Savior, all to the glory of God by his power and might. God will receive all the credit for every good thing. And he will be glorified in the suffering and perseverance of his saints. We are in this together, and he is "for us."

"I believe; help my unbelief!" - Mark 9:24

photo: July 7, 2007 - Hamburg, Germany (Vinson's hand)

For Us

C.H. Spurgeon, Evening July 18th:

"When I cry unto thee, then shall mine enemies turn back: this I know; for God is for me." - Psalms 56:9

It is impossible for any human speech to express the full meaning of this delightful phrase, "God is for me." He was "for us" before the worlds were made; he was "for us," or he would not have given his well-beloved son; he was "for us" when he smote the Only-begotten, and laid the full weight of his wrath upon him - he was "for us," though he was against him; he was "for us," when we were ruined in the fall - he loved us notwithstanding all; he was "for us," when we were rebels against him, and with a high hand were bidding him defiance; he was "for us," or he would not have brought us humbly to seek his face. He has been "for us" in many struggles; we have been summoned to encounter hosts of dangers; we have been assailed by temptations from without and within - how could we have remained unharmed to this hour if he had not been "for us"? He is "for us," with all the infinity of his being; with all the omnipotence of his love; with all the infallibility of his wisdom; arrayed in all his divine attributes, he is "for us," - eternally and immutably "for us"; "for us" when yon blue skies shall be rolled up like a worn out vesture; "for us" throughout eternity. And because he is "for us," the voice of prayer will always ensure his help. "When I cry unto thee, then shall mine enemies be turned back." This is no uncertain hope, but a well grounded assurance - "this I know." I will direct my prayer unto thee, and will look up for the answer, assured that it will come, and that mine enemies shall be defeated, "for God is for me." O believer, how happy art thou with the King of kings on thy side! How safe with such a Protector! How sure thy cause pleaded by such an Advocate! If God be for thee, who can be against thee?

Jesus is my Protector and my Advocate. It is true. He loves me greatly. Only because of this am I able to live and love.

Knowing that the almighty and loving God is for me should give me great comfort and security. And knowing he is for us should compel me by example and empower me by the grace purchased at the cross to also be "for you," my dear brother or sister. Because his great love has been and continues to be for me, my faith should be strong and my love for another should likewise mirror his unconditional, sacrificial, and self-denying love.

Oh that God would open my eyes to see more of how he is for me and for his dear church. And oh that he would give me a persevering love for others in my life that I might boldly be "for them"in my heart, mind, and actions - past, present, and future. He calls me to love, because he first loved me. This requires laying myself aside continually.
But I will never come close to tasting what it would be like to pour myself out in the excruciating way that my dear Christ Jesus did for me.

Behold and see, was there ever sorrow like unto his sorrow that is done unto him? All ye that pass by draw near and look upon this spectacle of grief, unique, unparalleled, a wonder to men and angels, a prodigy unmatched. Behold the Emperor of Woe who had no equal or rival in his agonies! Gaze upon him, ye mourners, for if there be not consolation in a crucified Christ there is no joy in earth or heaven. If in the ransom price of his blood there be not hope, ye harps of heaven, there is no joy in you, and the right hand of God shall know no pleasures for evermore. We have only to sit more continually at the cross foot to be less troubled with our doubts and woes. We have but to see his sorrows, and our sorrows we shall be ashamed to mention. We have but to gaze into his wounds and heal our own (Spurgeon, Morning & Evening, July 22).

Nothing I can know can compare to what Jesus knew on the cross - I will never know the same depth of pain nor height of love. But may I count it all joy whenever I am privileged to reflect, even the most dimly, some of this sweet gospel in my life.

My heart is not there day by day, but dear Lord grant sight to my blind heart and perseverance. "Draw me deeper into the glories of Calvary."

"I believe; help my unbelief!" - Mark 9:24

photo: church farm - November 7, 2010

Forgiveness

Excerpts from Tim Lane and Paul Trip in Relationships: A Mess Worth Making; Chapter 9: Forgiveness. (Emphasis added.)

When you forgive someone, you cancel a debt. But, more specifically, you make a conscious choice to absorb the cost yourself. . . . No matter how you spin it, forgiveness is costly. Regardless of how big or small the offense, canceling a debt and absorbing the cost is going to hurt. But the parable [Matt. 18:21-35] shows us that not forgiving also has a price, and it is higher than the price forgiveness demands. . . .

We’re tempted to think that once we have forgiven someone, we’re done. But forgiving someone is not just a past event. It’s something we must continue to practice, even when we are dealing with an offense we have already forgiven. Even if I have forgiven you for something you have done in the past, I need to be careful that I don’t slip into bitterness some time in the future. I need to keep practicing forgiveness every time I see you or think of you. . . .

Mark 11:25 – And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.

Luke 17:3 – If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him.

The verses are talking about two different aspects of forgiveness. Mark 11:25 is talking about forgiveness as a heart attitude before God. The context is worship. When I consider someone’s sin as I stand before the Lord, I am called to have an attitude of forgiveness towards the person who sinned against me. This is non-negotiable. I do not have the right to withhold forgiveness and harbor bitterness in my heart. Luke 17:3, on the other hand, is talking about forgiveness as a horizontal transaction between me and the offender. This is often referred to as reconciliation. The point Luke 17:3 makes is that, while I am to have an attitude of forgiveness before the Lord, I can only grant forgiveness to the other person if he repents and admits he has sinned against me. Even if he never does this, I am called to maintain an attitude of forgiveness toward the offender. The vertical aspect of forgiveness is unconditional, but the horizontal aspect depends on the offender admitting guilt and asking for forgiveness.

…It is one thing to gain clarity on what forgiveness is and isn’t; it is another to actually practice it. 

As you ponder your true identity in Christ, do you recognize how wealthy you are? This is the only foundation for the kind of radical forgiveness Jesus calls you to practice. Only by grace can you do this. You can’t read and reread 1 Peter 1 and Matthew 18 and still want to rip someone apart. If you are a beneficiary of God’s costly grace, you will practice costly grace with others.

Let me close with this real life illustration. A Turkish officer raided and looted an Armenian home. He killed the aged parents and gave the daughters to the soldiers, keeping the eldest daughter for himself. Some time later she escaped and trained as a nurse. As time passed, she found herself nursing in a ward of Turkish officers. One night, by the light of a lantern, she saw the face of this officer. He was so gravely ill that without exceptional nursing he would die. The days passed, and he recovered. One day, the doctor stood by the bed with her and said to him, “But for her devotion to you, you would be dead.” He looked at her and said, “We have met before, haven’t we?” “Yes,” she said, “we have met before.” “Why didn’t you kill me?” he asked. She replied, “I am a follower of him who said ‘Love your enemies.’”

By God’s amazing grace, may we imitate this sister in Christ in our lives and relationships. 

photo: construction on the church property today

Faith in Uncertainty

This evening I read the following in Rescuing Ambition:

Ambition rescues us from misplaced security. . . . So God began a divine routine: he would give Paul direction but withhold the outcome. If Paul had a bumper sticker, it would read, "Going, not knowing." . . . He gives Paul enough answers to stir his ambition but never enough to mute his faith. . . . God constrains Paul to go but withholds what will happen. Paul has an ambition and is going forward, but he doesn't foresee the outcome. His only certainty is that it's risky. . . . (pp. 176-177).

The Christian life is a kind of mysterious suspense, where we're acting on godly ambition without knowing the result. Like Paul, we're "going to Jerusalem, constrained by the Spirit, not knowing what will happen." . . . Risks and uncertainty are daily reminders of how much greater God is than we are. We take risks; God does not. God is not "going" (because he's already there), nor is he "not knowing" (since he knows all things). God is all-powerful, controlling all things. Amazing, isn't it? . . .

When God "constrains" us by his Spirit to do something, he doesn't fill in all the blanks. We must trust him, just like Paul trusted him. Risk exists because we can't control events and we don't know what's going to happen. In other words, when we don't know the future, we find out whom we really trust.

We're called not to control the future, but to trust God for it.

Do you feel called in a direction but are uncertain about what will happen? God's design in that is to drive you to dependence upon him. Have you noticed how your desperation for God increases with the uncertainty in your life? The new job, the new child, that new ministry - all of a sudden we're desperate for God. We're starved, needy, ravished by a hunger to hear. God delights to put us in this position because it postures us to depend on him and to exercise faith toward him. It's part of how he rescues us from misplaced security.

Risk always leads us to experience God in a deeper way. This is by design. Risk rescues us from misplaced security by anchoring us in the eternal (pp. 179-180).

Uncertainty. It seems to be all around me, and I'm afraid it is more often paralyzing me instead of building faithful dependance. "I believe; help my unbelief!"(Mark 9:24).

Today it came to one of it's climaxes in the uncertainty of the weather. Last week I was shaken by a couple bad winter driving experiences. My body has been in pain for nearly a week, and taking muscle relaxers, exercising, and stretching have not overcome my back and neck pain. So when faced with "if-y" weather conditions this morning, I failed a test of faith. Anxiety and anger gripped me. I resented the uncertainty that seemed to be plaguing my life in multiple directions.

God worked on me, as he is faithful to do. I came to see I was not trusting him. And later in the day he revealed that I not only wasn't trusting him, but I was saying he is not good. Not worthy of trust and not good. How dare he not give me the peace I want and "need" by removing all uncertainty? I was charging God. He led me to repentance and sweetly showed me that the peace I seek cannot be found in receiving all the answers I want. Rather, knowing him and knowing he is good is enough. Even in pain and uncertainty, my Father is good. And he is good to me.

There are some things I can be certain of, and those are more than enough to comfort, bring joy, and provoke faith-filled perseverance. My Savior lives, my God loves, and He knows what He is doing. I can trust him. Why? Because he is good. And that's all I need know.

gain the world and lose your soul

The Creation Festival, east or west, is a very unique experience. I've been going since I was a 4-month old baby, and each year is different, yet similar.
Vinson and I went yesterday evening and came home with Joy early this afternoon. We watched TobyMac's performance Friday night and went on stage for the candle lighting. As we were driving to Creation, we were talking about TobyMac. His music is not the kind I listen to often, but he is an artist that I really respect. He also is a great live entertainer (I love that I got to grow up following DC Talk and Newsboys through Creation). Vinson commented that Toby is a normal Christian, somebody that you might have in your church, but he stands out as being such a strong Christian because that type of faith is sadly not the norm for the "Christian" music industry. One thing I respect about Toby is how he seems to fight to hold the gospel in his own life and speaks the truth of the gospel at least briefly in his shows between songs - making references to how we have received what we do not deserve, like he did last night. And in the few short interactions or observations I've had with him at Creations over the years, he seems to carry himself humbly and genuinely before others. It is such a strong temptation for those in the music and entertainment industry to become man and self-centered rather than God centered. Self-promotion is a poison that can stealthily and subtly consume you from multiple angles. I feel and see that pull each time I am at a Creation festival, and it can be intense.
I am thankful that God can and does use Creation to proclaim his gospel, even if there are ample opportunities for it to also feed the flesh and water down the gospel. The good news that Christ died for our sins and took the wrath of God that was justly ours so that we can live at peace with God and know him as our Father, that is an unstoppable gospel.

Toby performed "Lose My Soul" last night. Use google to find the rest of the lyrics if you like. I couldn't find a good link for you. but here is his music video for it.

Father God, I am clay in your hands,

Help me to stay that way through all life's demands,

'Cause they chip and they nag and they pull at me,

And every little thing I make up my mind to be,

Like I'm gonna be a daddy whose in the mix,

And I'm gonna be a husband who stays legit,

And I pray that I'm an artist who rises above,

The road that is wide and filled with self love,

Everything that I see draws me,

Though it's only in You that I can truly see that its a feast for the eyes - a low blow to purpose.

And I'm a little kid at a three-ring circus.

I don't want to gain the whole world, and lose my soul,

(Don't wanna walk away, let me hear the people say.)

I don't want to gain the whole world, and lose my soul,

(Don't wanna walk away, let me hear the people say.)...

Mark 8:34-38:

And calling the crowd to him with his disciples, he said to them, "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel's will save it. For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul? For whoever is ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of him will the Son of Man also be ashamed when he comes in the glory of his Father with the holy angels."

He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose. (Jim Elliot)

photo: Creation West, 2007