Forgiveness

Excerpts from Tim Lane and Paul Trip in Relationships: A Mess Worth Making; Chapter 9: Forgiveness. (Emphasis added.)

When you forgive someone, you cancel a debt. But, more specifically, you make a conscious choice to absorb the cost yourself. . . . No matter how you spin it, forgiveness is costly. Regardless of how big or small the offense, canceling a debt and absorbing the cost is going to hurt. But the parable [Matt. 18:21-35] shows us that not forgiving also has a price, and it is higher than the price forgiveness demands. . . .

We’re tempted to think that once we have forgiven someone, we’re done. But forgiving someone is not just a past event. It’s something we must continue to practice, even when we are dealing with an offense we have already forgiven. Even if I have forgiven you for something you have done in the past, I need to be careful that I don’t slip into bitterness some time in the future. I need to keep practicing forgiveness every time I see you or think of you. . . .

Mark 11:25 – And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.

Luke 17:3 – If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him.

The verses are talking about two different aspects of forgiveness. Mark 11:25 is talking about forgiveness as a heart attitude before God. The context is worship. When I consider someone’s sin as I stand before the Lord, I am called to have an attitude of forgiveness towards the person who sinned against me. This is non-negotiable. I do not have the right to withhold forgiveness and harbor bitterness in my heart. Luke 17:3, on the other hand, is talking about forgiveness as a horizontal transaction between me and the offender. This is often referred to as reconciliation. The point Luke 17:3 makes is that, while I am to have an attitude of forgiveness before the Lord, I can only grant forgiveness to the other person if he repents and admits he has sinned against me. Even if he never does this, I am called to maintain an attitude of forgiveness toward the offender. The vertical aspect of forgiveness is unconditional, but the horizontal aspect depends on the offender admitting guilt and asking for forgiveness.

…It is one thing to gain clarity on what forgiveness is and isn’t; it is another to actually practice it. 

As you ponder your true identity in Christ, do you recognize how wealthy you are? This is the only foundation for the kind of radical forgiveness Jesus calls you to practice. Only by grace can you do this. You can’t read and reread 1 Peter 1 and Matthew 18 and still want to rip someone apart. If you are a beneficiary of God’s costly grace, you will practice costly grace with others.

Let me close with this real life illustration. A Turkish officer raided and looted an Armenian home. He killed the aged parents and gave the daughters to the soldiers, keeping the eldest daughter for himself. Some time later she escaped and trained as a nurse. As time passed, she found herself nursing in a ward of Turkish officers. One night, by the light of a lantern, she saw the face of this officer. He was so gravely ill that without exceptional nursing he would die. The days passed, and he recovered. One day, the doctor stood by the bed with her and said to him, “But for her devotion to you, you would be dead.” He looked at her and said, “We have met before, haven’t we?” “Yes,” she said, “we have met before.” “Why didn’t you kill me?” he asked. She replied, “I am a follower of him who said ‘Love your enemies.’”

By God’s amazing grace, may we imitate this sister in Christ in our lives and relationships. 

photo: construction on the church property today

Delightful Details

Thursday May 26th I ran some errands at the end of my work day and just soaked in my drive time, enjoying the scenic travel. Sometimes I like to pretend I'm a tourist and drink in my surroundings. This time I pulled out my camera and took some video from the car window of everything from downtown Lancaster to the farmland of Lancaster county. I'm not putting all of those up. But when I got home, I also took the below silent video.

So often when I come home at the end of a day I walk from my car to the door with blinded eyes and a full mind. I would say, however, that almost always there is a sense of welcome, refuge, and pleasant relief at finally arriving home at the end of a day. But how many times I miss soaking in the beauty of the details God intricately holds together in this small sample size of his much larger creation. Although it is the same path, the same home, each day - each day the surroundings are actually unique and wonderfully made by God in how they are affected by various variables like time, weather, people, and animals.

I often think the same when I arrive to work at the church farm property in the mornings. There may be a haze over the hill, or the sun may be shining quite brightly and warm even in the early morning. Snow may cape the roof of the barn, or spring flowers may be swaying in a summer-like breeze. Birds could be chirping, or obnoxious turkey vultures may line the peak of the barn with their wings spanned out to dry. Grass may cover the hill where our building will one day be, 3 feet long and rippling in the wind like waves on the sea - or the farmer may be mowing down grass for hay, mimicking the effects of a barber's razor.

When I stop, even for just one full minute, to observe and enjoy these details I get to experience delight in God's creation. His creation reflects himself, and can deliver a contented joy to my soul.

Below is that clip from the other Thursday. I love our home and the life and care that is cultivated here. I like how this moves from the detail of our front door to the driveway out to the road. Maybe I'm too sentimental, sappy, or cheesy, but it reminds me of the beauty of receiving nourishment from such a home and then taking it out on the road to wherever and whoever God may direct you to that day.

Matthew 6:25-33
Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more cloth you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What will we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

photo: Crossway farm property

taken on Matt's phone Easter weekend

Come to Me all

Security. Identity. The Word of God.

I am hit with the need for these three. I want my soul to be ever increasingly established. Immovable because of my Anchor. I hunger and thirst after him. I have a Rock who is my salvation, and I have his word to feed my soul the unchanging truths of who he is and how he relates with me.

Security:

...for he has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." (Hebrews 13:5)

Identity:

See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. ... (1 John 3:1)

Satisfaction in the Word:

Your words were found, and I ate them, and your words became to me a joy and the delight of my heart, for I am called by your name, O LORD, God of hosts. (Jeremiah 15:16)

Jesus said to her, "Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life. (John 4:13-14)

Somedays we get stuck in a fog. But no cloud can keep me from Christ.

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28)

Evidences of Grace

At the end of my work day today, I had a conversation with Teresa that reminded me of some sweet truths. As we spoke about her relationship with an unbeliever in her life who is going through a significant trial, we recounted the hopelessness you have for such times without Christ. And we can often feel helpless to help those who don't want the only hope we have to offer: salvation in Christ. So what can you do? Is there anything beyond commiserating with them? Their unbelieving friends will do that, and very unhelpfully as well. How can we offer words and actions that guard against reinforcing a worldly and fleshly indulgence in gossip, slander, despair, anger, depression, and unbelief? How can we instead be salt and light?

With my Christian friends, a main way I can live life with them and be an encouragement is to point out evidences I see of God's grace in their lives. God may show me something that they don't see, or he may refresh my soul with their clear sight of his goodness where I am blind in particulars. That's a wonderful purpose in fellowship. God's grace is everywhere, and we can never exhaust the end of seeing it in a single life in a single day. His common grace is also lavish to unbelievers. They are part of this world where he causes the sun to rise and set on the good and evil alike (Matt. 5:45). For example, this week we've had simply gorgeous weather, and it's not only children of God who are being blessed by it. They also benefit from the restraint he has put on evil in this world. There are plentiful examples of how they benefit from his goodness and grace each day, even though they are blind to it.
As Teresa and I spoke longer, she started recounting some good things she sees in her friend and her situation. This is God's grace! And that is worth highlighting, even if they seem meager offerings in our eyes. And we should not merely highlight good, but make a point to comment on how it's because of Christ that these good things exist in their lives.

It hit me that it's very similar to simply preaching the gospel to yourself around non-Christians. Often I have found that those who won't hear the truth of the gospel spoken directly to them have a softer heart when I'm applying it to myself in their ear shot. Or sometimes they take offense, saying, "You're not that bad! Don't be so hard on yourself." But then I am able to apply the gospel and it is hard for them to be more defensive of me than I am of myself. That's what I've found at times, and I don't know how well I just explained it. But I bring it up because it hit me that there is a similar connection to the above situation. Preaching the gospel is something we need to do to our own hearts, to other Christians, and to the lost. Pointing out evidences of grace and crediting God for them is something we need to do in our own hearts, in the lives of other Christians, and in our interactions with non-Christians. There is not a single soul exempt from the need of grace. God has poured it out generously, so I want to see it and talk about it more and more each day to whoever is in my path.

photo: 10/26/2008 - Krista, Kiera, & Elya at a Doxa meeting

I'm With Him

Those who trust in the LORD are like Mount Zion, 

which cannot be moved, but abides forever. 

As the mountains surround Jerusalem, 

so the LORD surrounds his people, 

from this time forth and forevermore.

Psalm 125:1-2

If we're not constantly asking God to fill us with his Spirit, then we're going into a war zone with no gun and no protection. - Matt

The greatest blessing God gives is His presence. . . . When God is with us, there is no difference between Nebuchadnezzar's fiery furnace and a comfortable bed. It does not matter! We will be happy in either. If God is with us, if His divine love surrounds us, then we carry our own atmosphere and residence wherever we travel. - C.H. Spurgeon

And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age. - Matthew 28:20

photo: Bolzano, Italy 2007

casting cares

My mom encouraged me to write down the following thoughts, which I briefly shared with her yesterday. So I made use of my journal, and now I'm making use of my blog. I like this progression. I trimmed down/edited my journal entry to share here.

God has pointed out to me in the past, and present, how I can try to take upon myself others' burdens and be their "savior." I must not do this. I need to deflect and cast their cares unto God, and not walk around weighed down by everyone's difficulties. That is not true care and compassion. True care and compassion is pointing them to their Savior and then trusting that He will work in them, not being anxious for them.

Here is a connection that has become more clear recently:

Not only should I not take others' burdens on myself, but I should not put my own burdens on myself either, especially those areas that I can do nothing about. They belong to no one but God. God has called me to steward well my time, finances, relationships, etc.. He calls me to this because they are not my own, but his. I am not my own, but his. There is responsibility in that; I cannot use anything to gratify the desires of my flesh. But there is much freedom in that, because won't God take care of his own? Yes! Absolutely. How freeing.

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Matthew 6:30

photo: Burano, Italy (near Venice) 2007

unbelief

Saturday night God allowed me to encounter two women in a very unexpected and faith-building way. I was able to connect with a girl I went to high school with and another girl I had never met from Alabama, and we had some really meaningful biblical fellowship, sharing our testimonies and praying for one another. The one girl is looking for a church, and I was able to invite her to Crossway. I left that night with my heart full of praise for and awe of God.

Sunday morning my heart was in a very different place. I did not realize it, but my heart had gone quickly from a place of faith to unbelief. I was heavy laden with concerns for others. I was in unbelief for God to continue to do powerful gospel work. I think I was assuming that because He has already done so much amazing heart work, the probability of a good thing continuing must be low, which is such ridiculous "logic of unbelief!" Rather, I should have faith that looks up and back to see where He has been faithful, and that should fill me with expectation that He will continue to be.

God used Pete's sermon to help address something that was in my heart and flip me around to see things clearly, namely that Christ is powerful, loving, and sovereign and will not let go but continue to work in us. My unbelief was uncovered and God placed faith in me that He will work no matter if I can't see how He's going to do it. I can trust Him.

We are not meant to walk around "with the world on our shoulders." My heart can so quickly leave behind the peace that is available to me in the gospel and take on cares and concerns, which is unbelief. How glad I am that God gives me faith - faith that castes my care onto my Father and finds amazing peace and joy. I need this each and every day.

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30

O Lord, my heart is not lifted up; my eyes are not raised too high; I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me. But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me.

O Israel, hope in the Lord from this time forth and forevermore. Psalm 131

photo: Lübeck, Germany 2007