Brokenness, Faith, Delight

The Holiness of God, page 32:

There is a pattern here, a pattern repeated in history. God appears, people quake in terror, God forgives and heals, God sends. From brokenness to mission is the human pattern. . . . [Isaiah] was not Humpty-Dumpty. In the nursery rhyme the fall of Mr. Dumpty is tragic because no one in the entire kingdom had the power to put him together again. Yet he was no more fragile than Isaiah. Isaiah was shattered into as many pieces as any fallen egg. But God put him together again. God was able to take a shattered man and send him into the ministry. He took a sinful man and made him a prophet. He took a man with a dirty mouth and made him God's spokesman.

John 3:1: See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are.

Psalm 16:1-2, 5-6, 7-8, 11: Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge. I say to the Lord, "You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you.". . . The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance. I bless the Lord who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. . . .You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

Brokenness before God is a good thing, and pain is not to be avoided above all else. I have found that I often try to "guard myself from joy." Only recently have I been able to condense this thought into that 4 word phrase, but it's been developing for quite some time. If something is good, I seem to hold back from being expressive and excited about it because I fear it will not last. When things are difficult, I tell myself to think about how good I really do have it compared to what I deserve, the wrath of God. Then I find myself quickly and surprisingly content and happy. But when things are going well, I seem to warn myself not to take joy and attach myself to any thing because it cannot last, only God can be my lasting joy. Well, that is true, but God gives good things to reflect himself and his goodness to me. So, it's actually sinful for me to reject his good gifts to strive after false security. I can delight in the good things God has given because through them I am delighting in Him.

I am blown away by the grace and goodness of God. Sweetly broken and stretched in faith is a good place to be. Although facing fears with weak faith is hard, I can know God will not crush me. He has already crushed his Son. He only gives me more than I can handle to break me and draw me to himself, where there is fullness of joy. And then as a loving Father, he blesses me even more. "What manner of love is this?"

Even in the many ways my faith is being tested currently, God is blessing me through my relationship with Matt. :) My thoughts go a little like this, "You mean it's been over a week and the guy hasn't dumped me yet? Gee, golly, that sure is swell!" Ok, yeah it's only been 16 days of dating, uh courting, err relating (no, we've "related" longer than that...uhh), well you know what I mean. But those are 16 days of God's goodness not to be taken lightly. God is good.

Blessed be your name

When the sun's shining down on me

When the world's all as it should be

Blessed be your name

Blessed be your name

On the road marked with suffering

Though there's pain in the offering

Blessed be your name

You give and take away

You give and take away

My heart will choose to say

Lord, Blessed be your name

(c) Matt Redman

photo: Tuscany, Italy 2007

EDIT/UPDATE:

While going through some old emails tonight, I came across a note I emailed myself on July 28 (when this was going on). I had thought to blog about it, but never did until this post.

sign that your joy is tied to your circumstances instead of to Christ = slow to be excited about something or have joyful expectation because you know the circumstances will probably change soon and suffering, difficulty, or hardship could come around the corner soon. I want to thoroughly enjoy the blessing and pleasant circumstances God gives me because I am enjoying God in them, not because I enjoy them in and of themselves. I can then be free to enjoy the moment.