gospel boldness

Understanding that I am not the ultimate end of the gospel, but rather that God's glory is, actually enables me to embrace my salvation more boldly than I would otherwise dare to do. -Milton Vincent

photo: Venice, Italy 2007

Psalm 63:1-4

Oh God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you;

my soul thirsts for you;

my flesh faints for you,

as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.

So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary,

beholding your power and glory.

Because your steadfast love is better than life,

my lips will praise you.

So I will bless you as long as I live;

in your name I will lift up my hands.

photo: Potter County, PA 2008

the beauty of old age

I thank God for the example I have in my grandparents. I am blessed not only that they are around and involved in my life, but even more by the example they set for me in so many ways. In particular, I have been recently struck by the grace of God I see in old age. His faithfulness shines forth. I'd strongly encourage others to seek out an older saint, no only the ones who are just a few steps ahead of you in years or life seasons, but those who really are near the ending years of their lives.

I am in awe of the work God is doing in my grandparents, my grandpa Landis in particular, as they increasingly experience more limitations and the reality of a deteriorating body. I see my own limitations and struggles, and then I look to see what my grandpa has daily in front of him. I am built in my faith to see that God uses old age not to foster a bitter, resentful, or complaining spirit, but that He instead is faithful to work into him a content dependance on God. I do not know my grandpa as a grumpy, bitter old man, but as one who has a steady persevering spirit (and an incredible sense of humor!). Sure it's hard. My grandpa was blessed with many many years of a healthy body and all-around-fix-it man abilities. He helped and served others in multiple ways. Now his productivity has been significantly hampered. And what a difficult transition that is, to have a heart and desire to do the things you once did but no longer be able to do them. It is different from the struggle to be content with things that have not yet come into your life. This is harder in many ways because you HAVE experienced much and know what you are missing. What gets you through and upholds you then, when you're near the end of life? Well, if you are like my grandparents and have known Jesus Christ as your Savior, old age is a revealing test that your life has been built upon the Unchanging Rock. When it is built on a relationship with God, that cannot be taken from you in your old age. The refining fire of old age, like other trials in life, is a servant of God used to fashion us into the image of his Son and draw our hearts to love him more. Fire may burn, but it refines into beautiful gold. The tugging, stretching, molding, hammering, burning, pruning, chiseling, and hard work of sanctification in this life is creating in us a beauty like Christ's, and will all be completely worth it when we get to see him in glory!

Be content with what you have, for he has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." So we can confidently say, "The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?" - Hebrews 13:5-6

The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed by the name of the Lord. - Job 1:21

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light and momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. - 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

photo: my 23rd birthday; Feb. 2010

Progress

Yes, Christian, although in your daily course

you seem to struggle in your duty,

and though nothing seems to go on satisfactorily,

be assured of this,

so long as you are really looking to Christ

and relying upon Him -

so long is He working in you by His Spirit -

however difficult may be your tasks,

you will make progress.

You perhaps may never perceive it -

you may not appear to make a step in advance -

but, be not discouraged.

Remember,

'All the promises of God in Christ are yes,

and in him Amen, unto the glory of God;'

and these promises are yours.

-John MacDuff, The Throne of Grace

(thanks to my friend Sara)

photo: Mya R, 2010

truth, emotion, and relationship

My Savior My God

by Aaron Shust

My Savior loves, My Savior lives

My Savior's always there for me

My God: He was, my God; He is

My God is always gonna be

Those chorus lyrics brought tears to my eyes while driving yesterday evening, which is not difficult to do these days (or multiple times a day). My last post served me well to re-read during this week. I'm finding it to be so evident that truth and emotion struggle to find their places in me. My heart is prone to wander, and God is so faithful to bring truth to bear in my spirit and realign me, gently or bluntly.

I just read an article by Ed Welsh called Strong Emotions; Extreme Confidence. And his last paragraphs are particularly helpful:

Okay, slow down. I am a creature, not the creator. I am part of a larger body and I need the larger body. I don't have all wisdom and knowledge in myself. When there is a difference of opinion between my feelings and what God says, God's word wins. I gladly submit to him. When there is a difference of opinion between my feelings and what many wise counselors have said to me, I submit to the wisdom of the community.

Yes, this is all true, and it sounds good on paper. But right now my emotions are not raging in any particular direction. The good news is that I can practice humility today. I can listen to God - really listen. I can consider the interests of others as more important than my own. That will prepare me for the times when my strong feelings don't tell me the whole story.

speaking of blunt (a bit earlier), here's a blunt transition...

I love relating with people. I love doing this daily and weekly. I operate better around people. My mind thrives when engaged together with another mind, and tends to stagnate when isolated to turn it's own wheels. I struggle with and sometimes am smothered by the monotony and loneliness that daily life can sometime be. But that really is a good portion of what my life is and probably often will be. And God uses this to grow my awareness of my dependance on him for every relational need - practical, complex, spiritual, mental, physical, emotional, and on and on. He uses this to reveal himself as all sufficient.

Who am I that he should reveal himself and his truth to me, as well as allow me to partake in his work (in others or even in myself)? This is humbling and awe producing work He is about - work that springs forth the praise of his glory, and his alone.

P.S. HAPPY 13TH BIRTHDAY TO MY SISTER MARGARET! I love you dear. :)

photo: Jared & Rebekah's wedding, 2010

Daily in Debt to Grace

Today I listened to a message given at the Worship God 06 conference by Mark Mitchell called Sanctification through Serving. It was a helpful message, and I wanted to type out two of the quotes he used in his conclusion.

J.C. Ryle (from Holiness):

The holiest actions of the holiest saints that ever lived are all more or less full of defects and imperfections. They are either wrong in their motives or defective in their performance, and in themselves are nothing better than splendid sins deserving God's wrath and condemnation. The only righteousness in which we can appear before God is the righteousness of another, even the perfect righteousness of our substitute and representative Jesus Christ the Lord. For all this, however, the Bible distinctly teaches that the holy actions of a sanctified man, though imperfect, are pleasing in the sight of God. . . . He regards them as members of his own dear Son, and for his sake wherever there is a single eye he is well pleased.

J.I. Packer (from Knowing God):

There is unspeakable comfort - the sort of comfort that energizes, be it said, not enervates - in knowing that God is constantly taking knowledge of me in love and watching over me for my good. There is tremendous relief in knowing that his love to me is utterly realistic, based at every point on prior knowledge of the worst about me, so that no discovery now can disillusion him about me, in the way I am so often disillusioned about myself, and quench his determination to bless me.

There is, certainly, great cause for humility in the thought that he sees all the twisted things about me that my fellow humans do not see (and I am glad!), and that he sees more corruption in me than that which I see in myself (which, in all conscience, is enough). There is, however, equally great incentive to worship and love God in the thought of that, for some unfathomable reason, he wants me as his friend, and desires to be my friend, and has given his Son to die for me in order to realize that purpose.

I want to grow to understand the gospel more and more in my days and moments. I want to see my justification more clearly, so that I see the reality of grace in my sanctification as well. I see so much of my failures, limitations, and sins. But God sees even more; he sees it all. And knowing all, he still purchased me and loves me and is committed to doing his work in me. It is comforting to know that when I am tired out from the hard work of sanctification and growing in Christ, God is not. I work only because he works. While my hold on him fails, his hold on me never fails. He is the one who came to seek and save me, and he is still the one who initiates towards me.

Oh to grace how great a debtor, daily I'm constrained to be.

photo: Agape Farm - Mt. Union, PA 2010

Blogging: a selective window

Blogging can be helpful, fun, instructive, informative, entertaining, communicative, relational, and so many other things. It can give a window into someone's thoughts and life, but it will fail to give a full picture. This is the case for so much of online (and other public) interactions. My friend and pastor's wife, Lori, describes this well in her post today called Picture Perfect? .

photo: Venice, Italy 2007

Lollipop: A & G Parade Loot

This week, Tuesday through Thursday, I babysat the Heitland kids while not at work. Wednesday night we went to the Solanco parade. Here is a cute little clip the youngest two and I had fun with on Photo Booth afterwards.

Apple products can be great babysitting activities. :) Here's another example.

worship

Today was a busy Sunday morning, and I missed our time of worship. Instead, these came to mind when I got home.

I cry out - For Your hand of mercy to heal me - I am weak - I need your love to free me - O Lord, my rock - My strength in weakness - Come rescue me oh Lord

You are my hope - Your promise never fails me - And my desire - Is to follow you forever - For You are good - For You are good - For You are good to me - For You are good - For You are good - For You are good to me

(c) 1990 Mercy/Vineyard

I hear the Savior say, "Thy strength indeed is small; Child of weakness, watch and pray, Find in Me thine all in all."

Jesus paid it all, All to Him I owe; Sin had left a crimson stain, He washed it white as snow.

For nothing good have I whereby Thy grace to claim; I'll wash my garments white in the blood of Calv'ry's Lamb.

Elvina M. Hall; additional words and arrangement by Doug Plank

In the morning when I rise - In the morning when I rise - In the morning when I rise, give me Jesus

And when I am alone - And when I am alone - And when I am alone, give me Jesus

Give me Jesus - Give me Jesus - You can have all this world, but give me Jesus

And when my soul is faint - And when my soul is faint - And when my soul is faint, give me Jesus

And when I come to die - And when I come to die - And when I come to die, give me Jesus

Public Domain; verse 3 by Doug Plank

Loving My Brothers and Sisters

The more I experience the gospel, the more there develops within me a yearning affection for my fellow-Christians who are also participating in the glories of the gospel. This affection for them comes loaded with confidence in their continued spiritual growth and ultimate glorification, and it becomes my pleasure to express to them this loving confidence regarding the ongoing work of God in their lives. (A Gospel Primer; Philippians 1:3-8)

I am amazed that God would allow me to observe his work in those around me, humbled that he would even use me in their growth, thankful that he also gives them to grow me, and in awe of how he works through his gospel to grow me in my love first for him and then for others. I thank the Father for the family of God, for Crossway Church, and for my family. And I joyfully anticipate seeing the gospel break through in new ways to those who have yet to receive his salvation and in deepening ways to those who are already saved. When sin and circumstance seem ultimate and without hope, replace my logic of unbelief with faith, O Lord, to see your gospel as powerfully unstoppable for working out your purposes in me and those around me.

photo: Conestoga River & Margaret, 2010

Perspective in Trials

I read this in the Gospel Primer earlier this week and shared it with a friend. I know I must have also read it a couple of years ago or something like that. But since that time I've had some (just a very little, really) experiences of suffering and trials that allowed my heart to shout amen to the reality of how richly God does work his gospel purposes in us during those times. And it comforts me to know that he will be faithful to do so again and again, whether I must face significant trials in my unknown future or even small ones in my more known and immediate future. Whether it's struggling with aches and pains in my back and neck tonight, or facing the biggest loss I can imagine down the road, I can know the peace and comfort that comes in knowing Christ through the gospel.

Perspective in Trials

More than anything else could ever do, the gospel enables me to embrace my tribulations and thereby position myself to gain full benefit from them. For the gospel is the one great permanent circumstance in which I live and move; and every hardship in my life is allowed by God only because it serves His gospel purposes in me. When I view my circumstances in this light, I realize that the gospel is not just one piece of good news that fits into my life somewhere among all the bad. I realize instead that the gospel makes genuinely good news out of every other aspect of my life, including my severest trials. The good news about my trials is that God is forcing them to bow to His gospel purposes and do good unto me by improving my character and making me more conformed to the image of Christ.

Preaching the gospel to myself each day provides a lens through which I can view my trials in this way and see the true cause for intelligent rejoicing that exists in them. I can then embrace them as friends and allow them to do God's good work in me.

It is an amazing evidence of the Spirit's work that would bring someone to genuinely say, "I do indeed embrace trials and suffering as friends who do God's good work in me." Maybe not all trials and not all of the time, but it's miraculous nonetheless that my heart could ever be thankful for difficulty.

photo: Lubeck, Germany 2007

Ambition Restored

Earlier this summer I bought a copy of Dave Harvey's book called Rescuing Ambition. I've only read the first two chapters. But I think it has served me in a unique way, by just bringing up the topic.
God has used the book to restore ambition in me. It's been really interesting. All of a "sudden" (the past month) God keeps bringing up old ambitions that ring true in my heart, desires that I thought had died away a while ago. And my new favorite question to ask my friends, whether one-on-one or in a small group, is "what are some hopes, dreams, desires, and ambitions that you have?" These conversations have been so wonderful! You should try it out. When held in the right perspective, it's incredibly faith building to allow your anticipation to grow for God glorifying ambitions. And I especially enjoy the window it gives into my friends' lives and hearts.

I do not think of myself as an ambitious person. Thoughtful maybe. Cautious, yes. Ambitious? ehh, not so much. That would better describe someone like my brother, or my pastors, or my entrepreneurial and creative friends, or even my big-picture parents who are always up for a new project. But not me. At least that's how I was allowing myself to think, without even realizing that's how I was thinking. But God's been proving me wrong, by reminding me of several interests and desires that I had thought were snuffed out for whatever reasons. And here's the kicker, He's the one who has brought them back into my view. And by doing that so clearly, He's given me anticipation for how He may someday choose to draw them out. My joy is not dependent on seeing any of these blossom or come to full bloom - it is only in God and his relationship to me because of the cross. And because I am secure in his hold of me in the gospel, I am free to have a curiosity and anticipation for what he may bring about without allowing those very things to replace him and become idols in my life. Sweet!
God has used this to help me fight the ho-hum view that my existence in this life is second-rate and the only thing I have to look forward to is heaven (a bit dramatic, but sometimes that is the reality of how I live). This is not true. I have so much to anticipate in meeting my Savior face to face and living in the place he has prepared for me with the fellowship of the Body, free from the struggle of sin and free from suffering - but I also am able to get to know him in the here and now, experience his presence, see him work, and grow in love for him right NOW. He has given me his Word; He has given me his Spirit; He has placed me in his Church; He has given me all I need for life and godliness (verse).

This reminds me of a quote from Paul Tripp that I used on my first post in this blog:

But the Bible never presents our life on earth as a meaningless time of waiting for the good stuff that comes later. The biblical model of waiting is not simply about what you will get at the end of your wait, but about who you will become as you wait. God has promised you real, abundant life in the here and now. We have a Father. We have a home. We are rich. We struggle a great deal, but we can expect much as well.

So, what are some of your ambitions? Have you given that any thought lately? Have you asked anybody else what their ambitions are? I hope that God may use these thoughts to build your faith like he has mine.

photo: Linda and me; early 2008

ant episode

Every now and then I seem to have a cooking or baking episode where my flopped experience makes for a bit of a humorous story - at least it serves to help me laugh at myself. I last wrote about my attempted recipe rescue on our family blog. It's a bit out of the norm for this blog, but I thought I'd write about another mess.

Yesterday I brought baked beans to a picnic. Now, I had a humungous 7 lb. 4.5 oz. can of it that I bought for $2.99 at Sharp Shopper. Needless to say, it did not all fit in my casserole dish. Even after filling some tupperware with the extra, the beans and sausage were precariously close to the rim of the dish. Nevertheless, I risked it. Herein lies the lesson. I will think twice, or thrice, before doing so again.

My mom kindly suggested that I use her basket that goes with her stone casserole dish - it's very nice and nifty. And it guarded my car seat (mostly) from a sloppy bean mess that instead slushed it's way into the basket during the drive. After arriving at the picnic, the hostess kindly helped me wipe down the dish and rinse out the basket, and I left the basket outside on the ground to dry. A few hours later I packed it back into my car and went with a friend to spend some time at her place for the rest of the evening. I am so thankful that God allowed me to casually check the dish before getting out of my car, because I discovered that ANTS had found their way into the basket. I hate ants!

pause here - Let me flesh out to you my hatred of ants. I hate aunts more than spiders or any other insect I can think of. It's their numbers. You never know if you've ridded yourself of them all. They have the power of numbers and the unknown on their side. I like to see my opponent, but nothing is worse than not even knowing if they exist or not. Months ago I was in the office alone and discovered a trail of them - some instinct kicks in at those times and I drop absolutely everything to make certain of their demise; it really becomes all consuming, and it surprises me. I'm sure there's something behind that. Once on a family vacation years ago I spent the afternoon (maybe just an hour really) curled up on a lawn chair at a man-made beach that was covered with big ants, not daring to touch the sand. Even longer ago, at our old house when I was at least younger than 9, I witnessed a neighbor girl sitting on a stone wall instantly be covered by tiny bitting ants.
I can't stand ants.

So, I am very thankful that God allowed me to observe that there were ants in the basket before they made a home in my car - oh, what faith He would have to work in me then to even get into my car!
I'm sure it was a ridiculous picture as my friend and I tried to solve the dilemma of what to do with the basket. I definitely was not leaving it in the car; I dare not set it on the ground and give opportunity for more ants to enter the basket; setting it on my car hood would be rather conspicuous and potentially tempt someone to steal it (and remember it belongs to my mom); setting it on the back of my car could cause me to forget it and drive away without recovering it; bringing it inside the house was out of the question. So we finally positioned it, fairly securely, on top of my side mirror and leaning against the car frame. This all felt so silly. I still do not know of a more practical or obvious solution - but I'm sure there could have been one. It's one of those situations that I just shake my head and bask in the ridiculousness of being such a girl.
When I came home late last night, I continued to exterminate the few remaining ants until my dad made me stop and go to bed.

Hence why I will think twice, or thrice, before bringing an extra full casserole dish to a picnic again.

photo credit: iStockphoto

Joy in knowing Christ

My friend Teresa was kind and thoughtful to give me a copy of an article from an old Sovereign Grace magazine, which is an excerpt from D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones' Spiritual Depression: Its Causes and Cure. The article is called To Know Joy, and I read it in the waiting room for my chiropractor appointment on Wednesday. Below I am quoting the last paragraph. I love this truth so much - I love when God feeds our minds with truth and softens our hearts to love him more.

Finally, let me put it in this way: "Do you want to know supreme joy, do you want to experience a happiness that eludes description? There is only one thing to do, really seek him, seek him himself, turn to the Lord Jesus Christ himself. If you find out your feelings are depressed do not sit down and commiserate with yourself, do not try to work something up but - this is the simple essence of it - go directly to him and seek his face, as the little child who is miserable and unhappy because somebody else has taken or broken his toy, runs to its father or its mother. So if you and I find ourselves afflicted by this condition, there is only one thing to do, it is to go to him. If you seek the Lord Jesus Christ and find him there is not need to worry about your happiness and your joy. He is our joy and our happiness, even as he is our peace. He is life, he is everything. So avoid the incitements and the temptations of Satan to give feelings this great prominence of the centre. Put at the centre the only One who has a right to be there, the Lord of Glory, Who so loved you that he went to the Cross and bore the punishment and the shame of your sins and died for you. Seek him, seek his face, and all other things shall be added unto you (emphasis added).

And because of the all encompassing reach of the gospel, I can have joy in any given moment.

On my worst days of sin and failure, the gospel encourages me with God's unrelenting grace toward me. On my best days of victory and usefulness, the gospel keeps me relating to God solely on the basis of Jesus' righteousness and not mine. - Milton Vincent; A Gospel Primer

photo: Tuscany, Italy 2007