Massively Working

Today at work I listened to a sermon that Jeff Purswell gave at Covenant Life yesterday, called Strength For The Weary. Near the end of his message, I typed out some notes that really stood out to me. It's amazing how God works, because just yesterday evening I was trying to describe to my mom how I felt, specifically after coming home from a bridal shower. Often large, or medium even, groups are overwhelming to me. This can be for multiple reasons, but one of them is because I just can't take it all in. There is so much depth to a single soul, and when you have 40 all together, wowzers, I just have such difficulty focusing when I know there is so much I am missing. Purswell encapsulated my unclear thoughts precisely in this sentence: "God is massively working, and we're all just looking through a straw." I think I would explode inside and out if God were to show me even how massively He is working in a single life, let alone in a room full of people, like the ladies at that shower...and just think about his working in this very moment around the universe.

That sentence was the first I jotted down from Purswell, but I kept going after that, and here is the rest:

Waiting for the Lord is confident expectation of God's action on our behalf. How I respond when I have to wait tells me everything about what I'm living for in that moment. And when I wait for the Lord, submitting to his will, trusting in his timing, resting in his faithfulness, I'm saying in that moment, Lord, you really are enough. "Whom have I in heaven but you, and there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you." ... "They who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength." Waiting on the Lord is not simply for trials . . . it's the Christian life. Every day investing all our hope in him, every day submitting to his wisdom, every day trusting in his timing, every day on our tip toes watching, looking, expecting for him to act for us in his mercy. That's what we signed up for.

How do we know he will act for us out of his mercy? Because he already has. The cross is God's guarantee that He will provide you all the grace you need for your biggest trial and all the sustaining grace you need for your most mundane moments (Romans 8:32).

photo: Cinque Terre, Italy 2007

Knowing You

All I once held dear, built my life upon
All this world reveres and wars to own,
All I once thought gain I have counted loss,
Spent and worthless now compared to this.

Knowing You, Jesus, knowing You.
There is no greater thing.
You're my all, You're the best, You're my joy,
My righteousness; and I love You, Lord.

Now my heart's desire is to know You more,
To be found in You and known as Yours,
To possess by faith what I could not earn,
All surpassing gift of righteousness.

Oh, to know the pow'r of Your risen life,
And to know You in Your suffering,
To become like You in Your death, My Lord,
So with You to live and never die
(by Graham Kendrick; copyright 1993)

Philippians 3:7-11

struggle

Although hard, struggling is a good thing because it's a mixture of fighting my sin (pride, self-pity, discontentment, envy, fear of man, anxiety, on and on...) and experiencing grace, peace, and joy in the security of the gospel. I very much want to grow to learn how to live in responsibility and grace day to day to day. I want to see what it looks like.
I only work because God works, just like I only love God because He first loved me and came after me. He has a part in my life and I have a part in my life, but His is so very much bigger. CJ's message on Sanctification at NEXT was and is what I need to hear repeatedly and in fresh ways. I need to see the gospel not only for my justification, but also for my sanctification each moment of my day.

photo: Cinque Terre, Italy 2007

Study God

Everyone reads, everyone hears things discussed. Consequently, if you do not listen to Theology, that will not mean that you have no ideas about God. It will mean that you have a lot of wrong ones - bad, muddled, out-of-date ideas. For a great many of the ideas about God which are trotted out as novelties today are simply the ones which real Theologians tried centuries ago and rejected. To believe in the popular religion of modern England is retrogression - like believing the earth is flat. (Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis)

What has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done, and there is nothing new under the sun. (Ecclesiastes 1:9)

humility

I am enjoying youth camp being at the church property this week. Even if it completely takes over and invades the office, I am glad that I can be in the midst of it while having a "normal" day's work. What a blessing that God has given us this property to use in building up the parents and youth from our church and three of our sisters churches. (post and photos from today; photos from last year)

Here's another Mere Christianity quote. Remember, I'm using this blog to help me in my reading endeavors. So, sorry if you're getting sick of C.S. Lewis, but it's what I've been reading lately.

Do not imagine that if you meet a really humble man he will be what most people call 'humble' nowadays: he will not be a sort of greasy, smarmy person, who is always telling you that, of course, he is nobody. Probably all you will think about him is that he seemed a cheerful, intelligent chap who took a real interest in what you said to him. If you do dislike him it will be because you feel a little envious of anyone who seems to enjoy life so easily. He will not be thinking about humility: he will not be thinking about himself at all.

If anyone would like to acquire humility, I can, I think, tell him the first step. The first step is to realise that one is proud. And a biggish step, too. At least, nothing whatever can be done before it. If you think you are not conceited, it means you are very conceited indeed.

Taking interest in what others say, enjoying life so easily, not thinking about yourself at all - these all need to grow in my life. Pride needs to die and humility needs to blossom. What a beautiful picture Lewis paints of a humble man.

I shared with a friend tonight how I want to be like Beth Mellinger (wife to Ken Mellinger, pastor of Living Hope Church in Harrisburg). She was at youth camp, and I was reminded of how I want to be like her. Her whole countenance exudes peace; she carries herself in such a gracious unassuming manner; she always seems to be happy with whatever is in front of her and is in no hurry to find something better; she almost seems to forget herself and rest in a steadfast joy. Cynthia Haughery is much the same. That's what I want to be like when I grow up.

photo: Potter County, PA 2008

hope

I read this last night:

If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world. If none of my earthly pleasures satisfy it, that does not prove that the universe is a fraud. Probably earthly pleasures were never meant to satisfy it, but only to arouse it, to suggest the real thing. If that is so, I must take care, on the one hand, never to despise, or be unthankful for, these earthly blessings, and on the other, never to mistake them for the something else of which they are only a kind of copy, or echo, or mirage. I must keep alive in myself the desire for my true country, which I shall not find till after death; I must never let it get snowed under or turned aside; I must make it the main object of life to press on to that other country and to help others to do the same.

pg. 136-137 in Mere Christianity, chapter titled "Hope"

Always Preparing, Always Content

I would really like to be a wife, mother, and homemaker. In this season of my life, I have very little time for homemaking (cooking, cleaning, organizing house, etc.). I want my desire to grow for the role of a wife and mother. However, I do not want it to be fueled by a discontentment in my current season whatsoever, because I know that same discontentment will be waiting for me again right after the thrill of being a new wife or mother wears off and the mundane and seemingly insignificant tasks of those roles take over. So really, although I have almost naught time for cooking, cleaning, and being at home right now (and it aches my heart often, especially to be so removed from time with my family), there are so many ways that this season is preparing me for the next - casting cares on God, denying and dying to myself to serve others, finding my satisfaction in God alone, learning to manage time, etc..

Any season I ever am in has the same goal of preparation, not a preparation for the next season to come in my life, but for when my earthly life is done and I meet my Savior face to face. So, even though I really have a longing to build into my own family someday - supporting and encouraging my husband and nurturing the next generation in the fear of the Lord and peace of the gospel - the goal of all of that is to glorify Christ and enjoy Him forever. And guess what? I can do that right now! And I can build into the family of Christ, support and encourage others, and nurture the next generation in the fear of the Lord and peace of the gospel RIGHT NOW. I have the same goals whatever season of life I am in, even if my roles take on different shapes and sizes.

This entry is blatantly shocking and an embarrassing admission for a woman in today's world. It somehow seems so vulnerable. But it is good, and I must not be ashamed of what God has proclaimed good. I must embrace and proclaim whatever God has chosen to use to exalt Himself, including a radical and humbling view of womanhood in today's culture.

For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. (Galatians 1:10)

photo: Burano, Italy 2007

quote

Mere Christianity,

pages 132-133:

On the whole, God's love for us is a much safer subject to think about than our love for Him. Nobody can always have devout feelings: and even if we could, feelings are not what God principally cares about. Christian Love, either towards God or towards man, is an affair of the will. If we are trying to do His will we are obeying the commandment, 'Thou shalt love the Lord thy God.' He will give us feelings of love if He pleases. We cannot create them for ourselves, and we must not demand them as a right. But the great thing to remember is that, though our feelings come and go, His love for us does not. It is not wearied by our sins, or our indifference; and, therefore, it is quite relentless in its determination that we shall be cured of those sins, at whatever cost to us, at whatever cost to Him. (emphasis mine)

We love because he first loved us. (1 John 4:19)

Because God works we work. (John Murray)

Side note: has anyone else ever gotten their hair stuck on a fly strip? What about your arm? yeah...it happened to me this evening. A garage is a silly place to have a fly strip, don't you think? ;-)

photo: Cinque Terre, Italy 2007

do the next thing

Yesterday the realization sank in that this summer is going to be very full of activity at work and outside of work. This week it felt like I didn't accomplish anything, although I spent my time doing a multitude of small things. It seems like I do not have anything to show for the work I did after a week - I am used to that feeling for individual days, but this was for an entire week. God is consistently reminding me not to despise the days of small things. I do not want to live in fear that I will fail to accomplish what is important, but faithfully plod along with joy in just doing the next thing. I need to fight to put on blinders like a horse, so that I just see the road directly in front of me and not be anxiously distracted. It can be difficult to start doing something when I am not sure if it is the best thing for me to be doing in that moment. I need to have faith that I will learn from experience and not from perfectly analyzing and planning ahead. It is not a bad thing to look back and see that I could have done something better.

That is an aspect of writing with which I always seemed to struggle in school. The idea of a rough draft was difficult because I wanted to get everything right the first time. My tendency is to belabor each sentence, but there is much freedom in doing a free-write and coming back later to edit.

I pray that I will embrace humility in my work, so that I can have a great freedom, joy, and peace. I will trust God to make clear what needs to be clear, and let other things alone. I am glad I work only because God works. His part is much much bigger than mine.

In other news, I am thankful that I'm turning away from feeling overwhelmed with the immense amount of activity in the weekend. I am thrilled to be able to interact with people. We had some wonderful family time this afternoon at Erin's high school graduation from PA cyber, and tomorrow is the first church picnic of the summer, a baptism, and the Crossway Mile. This weekend will prove to be very full (like many this summer), but I'm so happy that I can fill it with quality time with my family and church.

photo: Mya R. (May 27, 2010)

I Will Cast My Cares

I do not have time for much of anything. But I need to make time for what is important. I really need to embrace this, so I'm taking time to type it out here.

I Will Cast My Cares

Jesus, I am frail, I'm so very weak
My faithfulness fails, my courage will flee
But You are my rock, my shelter and shade
When I'm burdened down, You'll carry the weight

So I will cast my cares on You
Yes, I will cast my cares on You
I will rest within Your arms
Knowing I am safe from harm
I will cast my cares on You

When I'm overwhelmed and I cannot stand
You hear every cry and You lift my head
I'm desperate for grace and mercy anew
I must have Your strength, Oh I must have You
copyright 2007 Sovereign Grace Praise (BMI)

giving

I want to be reading more. One way to help me remember this is to put up quotes on this blog. Here is one that I read in Mere Christianity before dinner today.

I do not believe one can settle how much we ought to give. I am afraid the only safe rule is to give more than we can spare. In other words, if our expenditure on comforts, luxuries, amusement, etc., is up to the standard common among those with the same income as our own, we are probably giving away too little. If our charities do not at all pinch or hamper us, I should say they are too small. There ought to be things we should like to do and cannot do because our charities expenditure excludes them.

It is good to evaluate if you are giving sacrificially and with joyful faith.

photo: Germany, 2007

Wonderful Plan Myth

Listening to the audio of this book today and yesterday (Kurt found it somehow). It "exposes" the myth of the prosperity gospel. I'm very grateful for the teaching I've received on sin and the grace of the gospel.

And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience - among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ - by grace you have been saved - and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing, it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. - Romans 5:1-11

Seeing your sin makes grace all the more amazing. And when suffering, trials, and persecution come, you are all the more established and looking to Christ, rather than to your circumstances, for hope and joy.

All I Need is You

I'm finding myself often tired. I don't have time and energy to write at the moment, but this song was encouraging this morning on the drive to church (and it was so wonderful to be at church again after missing two Sundays in a row).

I just included two of the verses.

All I Really Need

Some may place their hope in feeble men

I can't do that again, for only You are strong

I will pray to God who lifts my head

To You who came and shed

Your blood for all my wrongs

For when I am weak

I find that You are strong, and

All I really need is Your grace

All I need to know is You are near me

All I need is You

All I really need is Your grace

All I need to know is You are for me

All I need is You

All I need is You

Lord, I know You hear my every sigh

You hear the raven's cry and give the sparrow food

How much more will You provide in love

For those You bought with blood

and work all things for good

And when I am weak

I find that You are strong, and

Words and music by Mark Altrogge

As recorded on In a Little While

Clarity of Thought

On Wednesday at work, several thoughts were bumping around my mind. I grabbed my note pad and pen and jotted down some thoughts. I am re-writing them in this post, like a second draft. I also added some thoughts at the end.

The season that I am in right now is similar to stepping out into spring after enduring the winter, although I also did seek to glean from the bleaker season and knew that God ordained it for good. I am having more clarity in my thoughts. I'm seeking specific opportunities to encourage others through writing. Where I was lacking and being grieved by my lack of sharpness in fellowship, God has taken me in my weakness and is now continually springing up, in and around me, His good fruit. Where writing was once unappealing to me (probably for a few years now), God has grown my delight in recounting His work through words. And I believe He is starting to revive along with that a more steady desire to study His Word - a desire and longing rather than simply a feeling of obligation and sort of dry/blind faith.

As I have exercised encouragement through writing, and sometimes verbal communication, I have received much unsolicited encouragement myself. I am seeing more of how living in fellowship is a main means by which God desires to extend grace.

This post really should be read alongside of one of my original posts explaining the reason I started journaling and writing this blog. God has done so much in the past few months in this area.

I am so thankful for how He is granting me the grace to discern my thoughts, and I am starting to see that flow into discernment in my heart. I want to grow to be sensitive to the Spirit's leading in what are His priorities for my time and pursuits. I am a limited person, and I need to learn to embrace living within what God has made clear for me, and have peace about letting other things go, even good and desirable things. Often a good question for me is, "Am I sowing to the Spirit, or to my flesh in this?" (Galations 6:8)

God is so faithful.

photo: Baltic Sea (in Germany) 2007

Sanctification

I just re-listened to CJ's message on Sanctification from NEXT. These songs on the Worship God Live CD were great to sing along with afterwards.

Grace Unmeasured

Grace unmeasured, vast and free

That knew me from eternity

That called me out before my birth

To bring You glory on this earth

Grace amazing, pure and deep

That saw me in my misery

That took my curse and owned my blame

So I could bear Your righteous name

-

Grace paid for my sins

And brought me to life

Grace clothes me with power

To do what is right

Grace will lead me to heaven

Where I'll see Your face

And never cease

To thank You for Your grace

-

Grace abounding, strong and true

That makes me long to be like You

That turns me from my selfish pride

To love the cross on which You died

Grace unending all my days

You'll give me strength to run this race

And when my years on earth are through

The praise will all belong to You

copyright 2005 Sovereign Grace Praise (BMI).

Surrender All

Take all I am, Lord, and all that I cling to

You are my Savior I owe everything to

Take all the treasures that lie in my storehouse

They cannot follow when I enter Your house

-

So I surrender all to You

I surrender all

-

Take all my cravings for vain recognition

Fleshly indlugence and worldly ambition

I want so much Lord to make You the focus

To serve You in secret and never be noticed

-

Take all my hunger for all that's forbidden

Every desire and sin I keep hidden

Search me and know me I want to bring to You

A life that is holy and sanctified through You

Words and music by Rich Dalmas

As recorded on Worship God Live

copyright 2004 Sovereign Grace Praise (BMI)

Calm and Quiet

God has been showing me so much of how He is at work. His faithfulness never ends, and I've been seeing Him work all over the place. So much has been going on recently all around and in me. Activity. Lots of it. Daily, hourly even. Spiritual and practical. In old and new relationships and in daily work. Much is going on. It's exciting, but it's been hard to rest and sleep.

These are the verses I want to embrace.

But Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart. (Luke 2:19)

Psalm 131

Oh Lord, my heart is not lifted up;

my eyes are not raised too high;

I do not occupy myself with things

too great and too marvelous for me.

But I have calmed and quieted my soul,

like a weaned child with its mother;

like a weaned child is my soul within me.

O Israel, hope in the Lord

from this time forth and forevermore.

Goodnight. I'm going to sleep, leaving everything in my Father's hands.

photo: Burano, Italy 2007