Happy Birthday Mom!

I wrote something a month ago about my mom for our church blog (full post is here).

My mom is my best friend, and one of the biggest influences on my life. She speaks truth to me and challenges me when I am in sin, so I can experience the joy of grace and growth. She is not surprised by the sin of others, which makes it more compelling to confess and repent. Through her words and even more by her own example, she has given me a beautiful and desirous picture of what it looks like to direct your heart by the word of God, not relying on feelings, but casting your cares onto the Lord.
The best way my mom cares for others is by loving and leaning on the Lord herself and entrusting them to him, even while walking so near to them that their cares become her own. Practically, I’ve benefited by her example of singing worship songs throughout the day and keeping verses like Psalm 131 tucked away in mind and heart.
On top of all that wisdom and love, she’s got business smarts, oodles of creativity, and is arguably the biggest sports fan in our home. I don’t think I’ll ever stop thanking God for the gift of this fantastic lady!  


It's only by the grace of God that my mom is the woman she is and that we have the relationship that we do. Everyone has a different story and different ways our lives point to the grace and glory of our Lord. That diversity makes Christ's Church beautiful, and I love being a part of it and seeing God's goodness and glory shine through so many unique lives. The above is some of what I am most thankful for in my mom's life. I love you Mom and hope you had a wonderful birthday!

photo: 2009, a few days before my MU graduation

Grace to Love

"if we think of each individual who crosses our paths as a beloved sister or brother in the Lord about whose care and treatment we will give an account to Jesus one day—this radically alters everything." -Carolyn McCulley

Father, help me to love as you loved me. May I be a faithful steward of all that you give me today. And as I fail, let me see Jesus standing there.

Friends, please pray this for me.

Thankful for Relationship

I'm so thankful this year for relationship: that I have a personal and primary relationship with my God - how awesome that the gospel gives me that! And secondly, for relationship with his people in varying degrees - what a privilege to persevere in love with one another. We have a great God, who is for us and with us!

photo: my dad photographing the sunset on Thanksgiving

Marriage & Singleness: Gifts to the Church

I believe it was a couple of weeks ago now that I listened to a 2009 CCEF conference recording of Lauren Winter, who teaches at Duke Divinity School, travels to lecture and teach, and has written a few books.

It was refreshing to hear vision for God's purpose in singleness as more than simply preparation for marriage. It's helped me to carry around in my mind and heart certain truths that comfort and direct me in treasuring Christ and fueling desire to treasure him more for all of life.

One night last week I took the time to transcribe, somewhat paraphrasing at times, the ending section of her lecture. It's a bit long, but I really wanted to capture all of this and put it up here. I may wait for another post to comment on it. In the meantime, I added emphasis to parts that are particularly powerful to me. Here it is:

The church, in my opinion, does not do singleness very well. At every turn, we hold up marriage as normative, and actually I think, as superior to singleness. And we convey in subtle and not so subtle ways that you’re not really a part of this community or an adult if you’re not married. 

What I want to suggest is that it’s a problem not only because it makes single people feel lousy, although that’s part of what it does, but finally it’s not a therapeutic problem but a theological problem. The problem is this: marriage and singleness were not given to individual people. They were given to the church. And both witness to the church different theological truths, different pieces of God’s economy, and we miss the point of marriage and singleness when we fail to realize that. 

Marriage witnesses to the church a picture of faithfulness. It instructs us of God's faithfulness to us and gives us hope to the possibility that we may be faithful to God.
Julie Rubio - “marriage consists not simply or even primarily of a personal relationship, rather it crystallizes the love of the larger church community. The couple is not just two in one, but two together within the whole with specific responsibility for the whole. They must persevere in love because the community needs to see God’s love actualized among God’s people.” 

Similarly, singleness is also vital for the church, and not just because single people supposedly have more time on their hands to do stuff for the church, which is part of the contemporary apologetics for singleness that just drives me bananas - because single people also have lives like married people do, and also because of what it says about marriage. It implies that once you get married you’re supposed to turn inward and just steward your own nuclear family. I don’t see that as a picture of marriage that is consistent with the gospel. 

The main gift of singleness is that, just as marriage instructs the church on these vital theological truths, so singleness also instructs the church in something just as vital.
Henri Nouwen  in his book “Clowning in Rome,” says: "God will be more readily recognized as the source for all human life and activity in singleness. The celibate, [or let us say the single person] becomes a living sign of the limits of interpersonal relationships and of the centrality of the inner sanctum that no human being may violate.” He goes on  to say that all of us are called by God to cultivate an empty space for God. All of us are called to do that, but that vacancy for God is more obviously on display among single people than it is among married people, because married people can easily fall into the mistaken thinking that because they have this other person they are in fact not vitally dependant upon God.

The key theological point is this: of course marriage and family are places where God can meet us, work, and pour out grace in our lives. But one of the heresies, I believe actual heresies, of the American church is the mistaken implication that marriage and family is the primary source of grace in people’s lives. 

It is of course reasonable that the church tries and devotes a lot of energy to helping people be married well - get married, stay married - it’s very hard to do those things in this culture.  But we err when we begin to suggest that marriage is the primary source of grace in our lives because of course the real place that we find grace is not in our families or marriages, it’s in the family that is the church.  Single people remind us, they witness to us, about the Christian hope that the kingdom of God unfolds not primarily through nurturing our nuclear families. It unfolds through church bonds and witness to the stranger. My colleague Stanley Hauerwas who teaches ethics at Duke, points out that unlike Judaism, which makes new Jews through giving birth, Christians don’t make new Christians by giving birth but by showing witness and hospitality to the stranger. Now of course if you want to set up a situation where you have to love the stranger, have a child. If you want to give yourself a neighbor whom you have to practice loving, get married. It’s not that marriage and family are unrelated to evangelism and discipleship, but as Stanley writes, “as Christians we believe that every Christian in one generation might be called to singleness, yet God will create the church anew.” 

Jesus says that in heaven people will not marry nor be given in marriage. Now, happily married people don’t like this teaching. Because we believe we will be our most particular selves, when we are resurrected, we aren’t going to mush into some indistinct other self. And we are made ourselves in part through our relationships. But what I take him as saying is not just something about marriage, he’s saying something about what it’s going to look like at the end of time when God has consummated his program. What I think he is saying is not that we will cease to be in relationship with those we are in relationship with here, but rather that the relationship that we will be in is the relationship of being Christian brothers and sisters. 

Singleness tutors us, the whole church, in the primacy of the relationship of sibling in Christ. 

photo: Bolzano, Italy summer 2007 

Ghosts Upon the Earth

I've been enjoying Michael Gungor's new album, Ghosts Upon the Earth. I love when I come across an album that I like both the musicality and lyric content. Here are lyrics to "Ezekiel" - beautiful picture of Christ redeeming his bride.

I found you naked

I found you lying there in blood

Your mother left you

Your father threw you out unloved

I clothed your body

I washed the blood and earth from your hair

I gave you jewelry

I gave you everything I had

I gave my heart - my heart, my love - I gave my heart - my heart, my love

You became mine

You were a stunning bride

The world they saw you and how you loved their eyes, my bride

You broke my heart - my heart, my love - you broke my heart - my heart, my love

You sold your body exposed yourself to all, my love

You slept with strangers; you gave them everything we had

Come back my love

My love come back

Come back my love

My love come back

And below is their acoustic performance of "When Death Dies." I don't know about you, but I say that beat boxing cellist is pretty amazing.

Blessing of Beauty

Some days I take a detoured walk back from getting the mail at work. Today was one of them, in between thunderstorms. 

Isn't fall weather gorgeous?

It's quite cozy that I get to work in a farm house. :)

"I think you're stupid" - "Fulfill your ministry"

This is great. :) (RSS users may need to go to my blog to view the video)
And it's a good point - to fulfill your ministry.

My ministry may change from season to season. I've been having more and more joy in doing just whatever God has called me to in the moment. God uniquely positions and gifts his people. I can be content in my calling, with the ministry he has me in, because I'm secure in my identity with Christ. My roles, "ministries," and "callings" can change - I don't find my ultimate identity in them. But while I'm in them, I want to dive into the opportunities they provide and be delighted by the goodness and kindness God shows me in the particulars. Enjoy those good gifts from God - He's your Father and likes to see you accept them and be happy with them for what they are, expressions of his goodness.
So, in my work: whether I interact with our CPAs over our financial review or spontaneously make peanut butter popcorn and coffee for the pastors during an all day budget meeting, I can have great joy in doing all through the grace and strength God provides to me in my particular circumstances, responsibilities, and callings.

prayer and love

C.H. Spurgeon from Morning and Evening for today:

Beautiful in God's sight is tearful, agonizing, unconquerable importunity. It means praying humbly, for the Holy Spirit never puffs us up with pride. It is his office to convince of sin, and so to bow us down in contrition and brokenness of spirit. We shall never sing Gloria in excelsis except we pray to God De profundis: out of the depths must we cry, or we shall never behold glory in the highest. It is loving prayer. Prayer should be perfumed with love, saturated with love - love to our fellow saints, and love to Christ.

Elizabeth P. Prentiss, 1818-1878:

More love to thee, O Christ, more love to thee!

Hear thou the prayer I make on bended knee.

This is my earnest plea: More love, O Christ, to thee;

more love to thee, more love to thee!

Dear Father, as fears and all flavors of anxieties arise, as you bring persons to mind, as I consider past, present, and future, may my heart and thoughts turn quickly to praying in love and for love. More love to thee, oh precious Lord!

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. - Philippians 4:4-7

photo: April 23, 2011 - tree on hill at church farm 

(now gone, as the building is going up!)

A way to find thankfulness

I wrote most of this back on September 26th, but didn't quite finish. I updated it and am posting it now.

There is so much I have to be thankful for. And by God's kind grace, my heart has been giving thankfulness some exercise - it needs to be whipped into shape! One particular practice that has given fuel to thanks is prayer: praying not just for myself but for specific things for other people. Carolyn McCulley encouraged in a blog post to pray not just for yourself but for others, and "then open your eyes to the many, many prayers He is answering." When you pray for others, you can "typically find it very easy to 'rejoice with those who rejoice.'"

I have found this to be true. It has helped me have more of a thankful and joyful heart as I see God doing good and exciting things in people's lives. For instance, I was delighted to find my heart took much easier than anticipated to joy during my cousin Jeannette's wedding a few weekends ago, remembering how we had prayed for her future husband together as young teenage girls. And it has been easier to rejoice with my good friend Angela getting an internship with Sovereign Grace Ministries because I joined in praying for her during the interview process. Even though I will feel a huge loss when she leaves our office (gah, I know it will really hit me!), I'm thankful God has allowed me to join in her excitement. Plus, I can look forward to one or more visits down to Gaithersburg to visit her. :)

I've found a wonderful sort of progression happens: from prayer, to thankfulness, to happiness and joy. And my heart is hungry for love - to know the love of God and to pour it out to others.

The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning

It's time to sing Your song again

Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me

Let me be singing when the evening comes

Bless the Lord, O my soul

O my soul

Worship His holy name

Sing like never before

O my soul

I'll worship Your holy name

You're rich in love, and You're slow to anger

Your name is great, and Your heart is kind

For all Your goodness I will keep on singing

Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find

(c) Matt Redman

photo: August 13, 2011 sisters at hunting cabin

I Come by the Blood

Jerry Bridges, in The Discipline of Grace, page 54:

To live by the gospel, then, means that we firmly grasp the fact that Christ's life and death are ours by virtue of our union with Him. What He did, we did. This is the only sense in which we can understand Paul's bold statements in Romans 8: "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" (verse 1); "If God is for us, who can be against us?" (verse 31); and "Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies" (verse 33). 

These statements by Paul are objective truths; that is, they are true whether we grasp them or not. So often, however, we find it difficult to believe them. Because of our frequent failures before God, we do feel under condemnation, we do not feel God is for us but rather must surely be against us, we do think He is bringing charges against us. At such times we must preach the gospel to ourselves. We must review what God has declared to be true about our justification in Christ. 

You are the perfect and righteous God 

Whose presence bears no sin

You bid me come to Your holy place 

How can I enter in

When Your presence bears no sin?

Through Him, who poured out HIs life for me

The atoning Lamb of God

Through Him, and His work alone

I boldly come

I come by the blood, I come by the cross

Where Your mercy flows

From hands pierced for me

For I dare not stand on my righteousness

My every hope rests on what Christ has done

And I come by the blood

You are the high and exalted King

The One the angels fear

So far above me in every way

Lord, how can I draw near

To the One the angels fear?

Through Him who laid down His life for me

And ascended to Your side

Through Him, through Jesus alone

I boldly come

(c) 1994 Sovereign Grace Worship

What a lavishingly kind God!

I sing because I'm happy

I sing because I'm free

for His eye is on the sparrow

and I know he watches me

ahh, ahh, ahhh...

Jesus is my portion

he sets me free!

(c) Page CXVI

stream this and other songs on their SoundCloud. 

This is a particularly pretty one. :)

photo: sky at Jeannette's outdoor wedding 9/17/11

Let Go & Caste Myself On Grace

What allows me to let go and not be consumed with seeking my own good (someone's got do it afterall, right!)? How can I die to myself and have a tender heart of love and service to others, genuinely desiring their good over my own? How do I move from fear and self absorption to faith? What frees me to acknowledge my sin and repent; what gives me the desire to know grace and be gracious to others?

Only the work of God upon my dark heart.

Because God is for me and not against me, I can lay down the pursuit of self. Christ has already secured my ultimate good and is continually interceding on my behalf. I can leave my self interest behind, knowing that the almighty God has and is working for my good. He will take care of me. So I am free to forget about myself and simply look to him and to the interests of others.

I was reminded tonight of just one of the things I have opportunity to be thankful to God for. This year he has shown me new ways in which Crossway Church really is my family. Not until I walked through certain things could I see just how many extra brothers, uncles, sisters and aunts I truly have. And it's something special, to be counted as a joy and be thankful for, that brings out everything from protective older brother impulses to tender motherly understanding and affections.

God often uses his people to do his work and to reflect himself. Why should I ever feel I am alone? He is here, and he is for me. So let go of self striving and live in the freedom of his grace that releases you to walk in obedience, humility, and love. I cannot live in a gracious manner until I let go of self and throw myself entirely on the grace of God. There is no life to be found apart from it. By grace alone are my blind eyes opened so that I can see and treasure my Lord.

photo: L Howell at MU; 8/25/11

In this together

Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. 
- Romans 12:15

Sometimes you do both on the same day.

9/11/01 - terrorist attack

9/11/11 - friend's wedding day

photo: 8/13/11

Hunger for God

Your words were found, and I ate them,

and your words became to me a joy

and the delight of my heart,

for I am called by your name,

O Lord, God of hosts.

-Jeremiah 15:16

photo: family hunting cabin -Tioga County, PA - 8/13/11

How long, O LORD?

"How long?" is asked fifteen times in the Psalms. Who better is there to ask than the Author of time, in whose "book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them?" (Psalm 139:16)

"It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD." (Lamentations 3:26)

This week has been very rainy, and today there was some severe flooding. Summer is going out with a bang, including a recent earthquake and hurricane - very untypical for Lancaster county. Sometimes seasons can change so dramatically, and have very different feels to them. I have been grateful for that tangible reminder through the weather. Ultimately, God decides if, how, and when the seasons turn.

One of my favorite ways to practice waiting quietly on the Lord is by singing worship songs to myself in my day. Oh, that sounds fun! I will look forward to that tomorrow.

Brutally Honest and Free

I've started to read The Discipline of Grace by Jerry Bridges, and I'm eating it up. Chapter one contains this:

The gospel applied to our hearts every day, frees us to be brutally honest with ourselves and with God. . . . We can call sin exactly what it is, regardless of how ugly and shameful it may be, because we know that Jesus bore that sin in His body on the cross.

 "I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance." Luke 5:32

Free to be Glad

C.H. Spurgeon for Aug. 25:

When Jesus comes into the heart, he issues a general licence to be glad in the Lord. No chains are worn in the court of King Jesus. . . . Loose the chains of thy neck, O captive daughter, for Jesus makes thee free.

God is so good

He took my sin

Now I am free

He's so good to me

"God is so good" by unknown author

The Power of God

His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence - 2 Peter 1:3

Outside of heaven, the power of God in its highest density is found inside the gospel. . . Nothing else in all of Scripture is ever described in this way, except for the Person of Jesus Christ. - Milton Vincent in A Gospel Primer

I want to make the gospel of Jesus Christ my go to place and camp out there. He has all I need for life and godliness. He will help me battle my sin, humble my proud heart, walk in obedience, love others, and find great joy in learning to know him more in my days. I have the very power of God to take with me into my day - how incredible is that?!

Who has felt the nails upon His hands

Bearing all the guilt of sinful man

God eternal humbled to the grave

Jesus, Savior risen now to reign!

Behold our God seated on His throne

Come let us adore Him

Behold our King nothing can compare

Come let us adore Him!

Behold Our God

(c) Sovereign Grace Worship 2011

one war, many battles: Stand Still

Angela's new favorite song in the office is this one, and it's one of mine as well.

Kneeling on this battle ground

Seeing just how much You've done

Knowing every victory

Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way

But with joy our hearts can say

Yes, our hearts can say...

Never once did we ever walk alone

Never once did You leave us on our own

You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Never Once by Matt Redman

I may be brought to my knees on the battlefield by a painful blow, and the healing process may be slow. But even while suffering injury in lonely shadows, unable to pick myself up, God is with me and at work. It matters not if my senses be numb to feel him near, nor if my eyes be temporarily blinded and thrown into confusion from wartime shrapnel. The General who gave my marching orders to the very place where I received my wound is also the great battlefield Surgeon, and I need not understand the working of his hand but simply trust his sovereign skill. So may I abide by his faint whisper of "peace, be still."
On that final day, we will trade our scars for perfect unity and love found in the scars of Christ.
May I live today in light of that day.


This particular passage keeps coming back to me from Spurgeon's Morning & Evening July 24th (Morning). It speaks directly to where I am, and have been for a while. I am thankful for that.

"Stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord." - Exodus 14:3

These words contain God's command to the believer when he is reduced to great straits and brought into extraordinary difficulties. He cannot retreat; he cannot go forward; he is shut up on the right hand and on the left; what is he now to do? The Master's word to him is, "Stand still." It will be well for him if at such times he listens only to his Master's word, for other and evil advisers come with their suggestions. Despair whispers, "Lie down and die; give it all up." But God would have us put on a cheerful courage, and even in our worst times, rejoice in his love and faithfulness. Cowardice says, "Retreat; go back to the worldling's way of action; you cannot play the Christian's part, it is too difficult. Relinquish your principles." But, however much Satan may urge this course upon you, you cannot follow it if you are a child of God. His divine fiat has bid thee go from strength to strength, and so thou shalt, and neither death nor hell shall turn thee from thy course. What, if for a while thou art called to stand still, yet this is but to renew thy strength for some greater advance in due time. Precipitancy cries, "do something. Stir yourself; to stand still and wait, is sheer idleness." We must be doing something at once-we must do it so we think-instead of looking to the Lord, who will not only do something but will do everything. Presumption boasts, "If the sea be before you, march into it and expect a miracle." But Faith listens neither to Presumption, nor to Despair, nor to Cowardice, nor to Precipitancy, but it hears God say, "Stand still," and immovable as a rock it stands. "Stand still;"-keep the posture of an upright man, ready for action, expecting further orders, cheerfully and patiently awaiting the directing voice; and it will not be long ere God shall say to you, as distinctly as Moses said it to the people of Israel, "Go forward."

1st photo: WWII bunker in Cinque Terre, Italy 2007

2nd photo: last family trip to hunting cabin in Tioga County, 8/13/11

Through the Eyes of Children

I tagged along as Joy babysat the Howell kids this evening. When you aren't the primary sitter, you can stop and smell the roses, or take some photos, more easily.

Dear Father, please give me more child-like faith each day.

Pretty cool story by an awesome Author

God has and is doing much in my life. It has been hard - intense and extreme in many ways I never would have guessed a year ago. The good and the bad, the ugly and the beautiful - it's all worthwhile (even if feelings at times say differently).

And you know what? God let's us be a part of some pretty cool stuff in this life. He doesn't have to, and he definitely doesn't need us. But what a privilege it is that we get to be involved in his story on this earth. Whether mundane or monumental, whether brief or lifelong - whatever or whomever he brings my way, I have great cause to delight in my God. 

I want to delight myself in my God and learn contentment, so that my soul may be satisfied, fulfilled, and sing praises to my Savior in whatever circumstance the moment of my day finds me. At the foot of the cross, ambition and contentment can co-exist. As can sorrow and joy, weakness and strength. 

We've got a pretty awesome Author of life. He creates the best stories, and we get to be in them.

photo: Creation Festival 2011 main stage

Leave it in his care, and seek to love.

 

If we genuinely trust in God's sovereignty, we ought to trust him enough to leave certain things in his care - even and especially personally painful things. 1 Corinthians calls us to bear all things, believe all things and hope all things about one another. - Tim Challies*

So good, yet so hard to do. So glad to have a great and mighty God who is bigger than all my struggles and will lovingly grant the grace I need each day.

Waiting on the Lord with personally painful things looks like trusting that my God is...

great.

mighty.

sovereign.

just.

holy.

caring.

loving.

gracious.

kind.

I will wait on the Lord. Strength will rise. "Little ones to him belong; they are weak, but he is strong. Yes, Jesus loves me."

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. - 1 Corinthians 13:7-8

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. - 1 John 4:18

And waiting on the Lord looks like allowing my faith to be tested and proved genuine, evidenced by obediently walking in the good works God has prepared for me even in the dark times (James 2:14-26). And I do believe the greatest, and sometimes most difficult, good work is truly loving others. How can I love? Because He first loved us. "We love because he first loved us."

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. - Hebrews 12:1-2

* In CJ Mahaney and Difficult Days, posted today

photo: torn up baseball I found on the hill in midst

of construction for our church building 8/6/11

Do good; He will keep you strong

Relationship

There is so much and so many who I could give myself to, but...

Outside of Christ there is nothing worth knowing, and all who by faith perceive what he is like have grasped all the immensity of heavenly benefits. - John Calvin in his Institutes of the Christian Religion

I miss out on nothing when I "limit" myself to simply knowing Christ, and in fact gain everything in him.

So even in seasons of isolation from much human interaction, which are particularly trying for this relational gal, I have all I need and more in Christ - let me bury myself in his word. Whether overwhelmed with myriads of places I could focus*, or haunted by shadows of loneliness - in plenty or in want - "hallelujah, all I have is Christ; hallelujah, Jesus is my life." May it be my aim to learn more of this pearl of greatest price, in whatever season I find myself.

As I head into another work day, may my God grant the grace to grow my faith so I can come a little closer to saying with Paul (I keenly feel how far I am from this):

Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me. (Phil. 4:11-13)

How I continually need the strength of my mighty God and Savior. So aware that I definitely cannot do anything, much less all things, in my frailty and desperate state. But I will cling to the promise that Christ can and will strengthen me or work through my weakness.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. - 2 Cor. 12:9-10

If my weakness serves to highlight my need for a Savior, to myself and perhaps even to others, then I have to count it a privilege to be weak so that the power of Christ may be magnified. To God alone be the glory. He will ensure that it is so. And he will also care for me and show his kindness again. My Savior truly does love me. I have only to look and see him bleed on the tree to know this. And he will come back for me, full of glory and power. Until that day, I hold to his dear promises and seek to know him more.

* Today I mused how I never have lived outside of Lancaster county and yet have particular fondness for people in various long distance locations. In my short 24 years, people in places such as Tijuana, Mexico; Charlotte, North Carolina; Hamburg, Germany; and Chicago Land, Illinois all hold groups, actually whole churches, of people that I care for. Then when I think about how many people are even right here in Lancaster that I can never fully contain in my heart, it is a marvel to me how I can care so much and yet be so limited and separated. Only God can fully know even one human heart. I cannot know even my own, much less one other person's or more. And even if I could, the selfishness and pride in my heart would poison that knowledge of another. But how glorious will that day be, when we are unified together in and with Christ - having perfect fellowship with Him and one another, free from all sin. I'm thankful that any sadness of the limitation of fellowship that we are constrained by here serves to drive me in anticipation for eternity. And then I am free to quiet my soul and occupy myself with the small lot God has allowed for me this day. Knowing that the best is yet to come, I can be content in the present. What a work of grace! May God grant perseverance to his saints. I know I need it.

1st photo: Joy at the hunting cabin 7/9/2008

2nd photo: Bunting family's last Sunday at church 

yesterday, before the Pastors College then Bahamas

Evil and Good

fighting fears

anger knocks on the door

feeble love absorbs self-sacrificing pain

and sadness settles softly again

 

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted

and saves the crushed in spirit.

- Psalm 34:18

We are evil people, but we have a good God. May he show himself great and be exalted.

Wait on the Lord

A friend of mine shared this with me earlier this week. Lamentations 3:17-33:

my soul is bereft of peace;

I have forgotten what happiness is;

so I say, "My endurance has perished;

so has my hope from the Lord."

Remember my affliction and my wanderings,

the wormwood and the gall!

My soul continually remembers it

and is bowed down within me.

But this I call to mind,

and therefore I have hope:

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;

his mercies never come to an end;

they are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

"The Lord is my portion," says my soul,

"therefore I will hope in him."

The Lord is good to those who wait for him,

to the soul who seeks him.

It is good that one should wait quietly

for the salvation of the Lord.

It is good for a man that he bear

the yoke in his youth.

Let him sit alone in silence

when it is laid on him;

let him put his mouth in the dust -

there may yet be hope;

let him give his cheek to the one who strikes,

and let him be filled with insults.

For the Lord will not cast off forever,

but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion

according to the abundance of his steadfast love;

for he does not willingly afflict

or grieve the chilren of men.

I know the word of God will not return void. This week I even caught glimpses of true peace and happiness - I felt the truths I have been clinging to a little more. Feelings are not to be trusted or valued above all (thus may I put my "mouth in the dust" when tempted to unbelieving feelings), but God is gracious to allow them to bless when they fall in their proper place. So when I am "bereft of peace" and have "forgotten what happiness is", by the grace of God I will continue to "call to mind" the truths of God and therefore have hope. Looking to God and not myself is my only hope. He is good, according to his steadfast love - He cannot and will not act contrary to his good character. 

There is so much in the above passage that I can identify with and be encouraged by. I am waiting on the Lord, and I know that is a good place to be. Even if tempted to weariness or despair for about seven weeks of hardcore waiting on him in various forms and fashions, God proves faithful to grow me in perseverance in faith. He has done wonderful things and he is still doing great and wonderful things. He will unto the end.  And not only in me, but in all that belong to the kingdom of God.

"How great is our God. Sing with me, how great is our God!"

Little Women

I picked up an old novel again yesterday evening, and found great sweetness:

I gave my best to the country I love, and kept my tears till he was gone. Why should I complain when we both have merely done our duty and will surely be the happier for it in the end? If I don't seem to need help, it is because I have a better Friend even than Father to comfort and sustain me. My child, the troubles and temptations of your life are beginning, and may be many; but you can overcome and outlive them all if you learn to feel the strength and tenderness of your Heavenly Father as you do that of your earthly one. His love and care never tire or change, can never be taken from you, but may become the source of lifelong peace, happiness, and strength. Believe this heartily, and go to God with all your little cares, and hopes, and sins, and sorrows as freely and confidingly as you come to your mother." 

Jo's only answer was to hold her mother close, and in the silence which followed, the sincerest prayer she had ever prayed left her heart without words, for in that sad yet happy hour she had learned not only the bitterness of remorse and despair, but the sweetness of self-denial and self-control; and, led by her mother's hand, she had drawn nearer to the Friend who welcomes every child with a love stronger than that of any father, tenderer than that of any mother.

- Louisa May Alcott's Little Women, pages 67-68

I started to highlight segments of this text above but then realized I would be italicizing almost everything.

photo: Joy's yarn - December 27, 2010

Strike! - motivation to persevere

Charles Spurgeon in Morning and Evening for July 17th wrote about battling sin. The week I read this, it resonated as life to my soul, and it still does.

Our darling sin must die. Spare it not for its much crying. Strike, though it be as dear as an Isaac. Strike, for God struck at sin when it was laid upon his own Son. With stern unflinching purpose must you condemn to death that sin which was once the idol of your heart. Do you ask how you are to accomplish this? Jesus will be your power. You have grace to overcome sin given you in the covenant of grace; you have strength to win the victory in the crusade against inward lusts, because Christ Jesus has promised to be with you even unto the end. If you would triumph over darkness, set yourself in the presence of the Sun of Righteousness. There is no place so well adapted for the discovery of sin, and the recovery from its power and guilt, as the immediate presence of God.  

The connections he makes are so powerful. Strong absolute truths of God, all connected. So centered on the cross and glory of God. So hope filled. Grace will triumph over sin. Good versus evil will prevail. The presence of God is both the goal and the way. Our fight against sin is not hopeless, not with Christ on our side. It is a worthy battle. I should not shirk it off. Why strike at sin? Because "God struck at sin when it was laid upon his own Son." How can I, a feeble wretched sinner, strike at my sin that so easily entangles me? Only by the power of Christ, which is mine because the Father "struck at sin when it was laid upon his own Son." Where do I go when I go to battle my sin? Under the shelter of His wing, in the presence of the most Holy One.

I want to know more of my God, and I want to kill more of my sin. I want others to help me. I want to help others. We are instruments in our Redeemer's hands for each others' sanctification, and we are in this together. But the only one worth having on our side is our God - and he is absolutely, irrevocably, eternally, comprehensively "for us!" His glory is at the center of his passion, and he will not be mocked. He has bought us and tied us permanently to himself. He is for us, and he has the victory.

If I have my eyes set on the goal, set on Christ, then I am equipped to strike sin.

John Piper, at New Attitude 2008:

Jesus himself, and all that God is for us in him, is our great reward, nothing less. Salvation is not mainly the forgiveness of sins, but mainly the fellowship with Jesus. Forgiveness just gets everything out of the way so this can happen.

There is purpose in this life. Depression speaks a dark and gloomy lie contrary to the brilliance of the light of truth. My purpose, my vision, is Christ. I am made for him. And I am called to spend this life preparing for eternity with him. That means putting to death sin and growing in my love for my Savior, all to the glory of God by his power and might. God will receive all the credit for every good thing. And he will be glorified in the suffering and perseverance of his saints. We are in this together, and he is "for us."

"I believe; help my unbelief!" - Mark 9:24

photo: July 7, 2007 - Hamburg, Germany (Vinson's hand)

For Us

C.H. Spurgeon, Evening July 18th:

"When I cry unto thee, then shall mine enemies turn back: this I know; for God is for me." - Psalms 56:9

It is impossible for any human speech to express the full meaning of this delightful phrase, "God is for me." He was "for us" before the worlds were made; he was "for us," or he would not have given his well-beloved son; he was "for us" when he smote the Only-begotten, and laid the full weight of his wrath upon him - he was "for us," though he was against him; he was "for us," when we were ruined in the fall - he loved us notwithstanding all; he was "for us," when we were rebels against him, and with a high hand were bidding him defiance; he was "for us," or he would not have brought us humbly to seek his face. He has been "for us" in many struggles; we have been summoned to encounter hosts of dangers; we have been assailed by temptations from without and within - how could we have remained unharmed to this hour if he had not been "for us"? He is "for us," with all the infinity of his being; with all the omnipotence of his love; with all the infallibility of his wisdom; arrayed in all his divine attributes, he is "for us," - eternally and immutably "for us"; "for us" when yon blue skies shall be rolled up like a worn out vesture; "for us" throughout eternity. And because he is "for us," the voice of prayer will always ensure his help. "When I cry unto thee, then shall mine enemies be turned back." This is no uncertain hope, but a well grounded assurance - "this I know." I will direct my prayer unto thee, and will look up for the answer, assured that it will come, and that mine enemies shall be defeated, "for God is for me." O believer, how happy art thou with the King of kings on thy side! How safe with such a Protector! How sure thy cause pleaded by such an Advocate! If God be for thee, who can be against thee?

Jesus is my Protector and my Advocate. It is true. He loves me greatly. Only because of this am I able to live and love.

Knowing that the almighty and loving God is for me should give me great comfort and security. And knowing he is for us should compel me by example and empower me by the grace purchased at the cross to also be "for you," my dear brother or sister. Because his great love has been and continues to be for me, my faith should be strong and my love for another should likewise mirror his unconditional, sacrificial, and self-denying love.

Oh that God would open my eyes to see more of how he is for me and for his dear church. And oh that he would give me a persevering love for others in my life that I might boldly be "for them"in my heart, mind, and actions - past, present, and future. He calls me to love, because he first loved me. This requires laying myself aside continually.
But I will never come close to tasting what it would be like to pour myself out in the excruciating way that my dear Christ Jesus did for me.

Behold and see, was there ever sorrow like unto his sorrow that is done unto him? All ye that pass by draw near and look upon this spectacle of grief, unique, unparalleled, a wonder to men and angels, a prodigy unmatched. Behold the Emperor of Woe who had no equal or rival in his agonies! Gaze upon him, ye mourners, for if there be not consolation in a crucified Christ there is no joy in earth or heaven. If in the ransom price of his blood there be not hope, ye harps of heaven, there is no joy in you, and the right hand of God shall know no pleasures for evermore. We have only to sit more continually at the cross foot to be less troubled with our doubts and woes. We have but to see his sorrows, and our sorrows we shall be ashamed to mention. We have but to gaze into his wounds and heal our own (Spurgeon, Morning & Evening, July 22).

Nothing I can know can compare to what Jesus knew on the cross - I will never know the same depth of pain nor height of love. But may I count it all joy whenever I am privileged to reflect, even the most dimly, some of this sweet gospel in my life.

My heart is not there day by day, but dear Lord grant sight to my blind heart and perseverance. "Draw me deeper into the glories of Calvary."

"I believe; help my unbelief!" - Mark 9:24

photo: church farm - November 7, 2010

Look

Spurgeon:

"Behold the man!" - John 19:5

We have only to sit more continually at the cross foot to be less troubled with our doubts and woes. We have but to see his sorrows, and our sorrows we shall be ashamed to mention. We have but to gaze into his wounds and heal our own. If we would live aright it must be by the contemplation of his death; if we would rise to dignity, it must be by considering his humiliation and his sorrow.

(Morning & Evening July 22)

Dear Father, may Christ and his cross fill more of my view. More of you and less of me.

Used yet Secure. And God Glorified.

I just watched the below video for the first time several minutes ago, and the tears came.

(All I Have Is Christ)

One of the things God has been driving home for me is to instill in my heart more of a treasuring of Christ and thankfulness of his gospel, so that I can say with genuine faith:

Oh Father, use my ransomed life in any way You choose, 

and let my song forever be: my only boast is You.

Recently those lines have really stuck with me. I truly can say that whatever my God ordains is right: whatever path he leads me by, whoever he brings me to, whatever trial or joy he sets before me. It has been a marvel to me that I find not fear but comfort in saying "use my ransomed life in any way You choose." It is a comfort to know that he has chosen to use my ransomed life for his glory in the past and he will in the future. It can only be a comforting thing because Christ's blood has purchased me for the Father, so that he is glorified in me not by crushing me and pouring his wrath out on me but by saving me and drawing me to him as his precious child.

Whatever way he chooses to use my ransomed life, I can know he will give me the grace and faith I need. I am amazed at how he already has. I have faced things I never could by my own strength, and he has been faithful - "The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?" (Psalm 27:1).

Whatever my God ordains is right

Though now this cup in drinking

Bitter it seems to my faint heart

I take it all unshrinking

My God is true, each morn anew

Sweet comfort yet shall fill my heart

And pain and sorrow shall depart

(c) 2007 Sovereign Grace Praise

Whatever My God Ordains Is Right

Letter from Newton

John Newton, from Letters of John Newton:

Therefore, do not be discouraged: usefulness and trials, comforts and crosses, strength and excercise go together. But remember He has said, "I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee; be thou faithful unto death, and I will give thee a crown of life." When you get to heaven, you will not complain of the way by which the Lord brought you.

HT: Doug Plank's post

Speak Truth

But you, O Lord, are a shield about me,

my glory, and the lifter of my head.

- Psalm 3:3

Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. - Hebrews 4:14-16

Now unto the King who reigns over all / And never changes or turns

Unfailing justice, unfading grace / Whose promises remain

Yes, Your promises remain

The heavens ring / The saints all sing / "Great is Your faithfulness"

From age to age / We will proclaim / "Great is Your faithfulness / How great is Your faithfulness"

Everything changes, but You stay the same / Your word and kingdom endure

We lean on the promise of all that You are / And trust forevermore

We will trust forevermore

From generation to generation / You never fail us, O God

Yesterday and today and tomorrow / Until the day You return

-Matt Redman

Oh Father, use my ransomed life

In any way You choose

And let my song forever be

My only boast is You

- Jordan Kauflin, All I Have Is Christ

recorded on Looked Upon

For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. So now, faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love. - 1 Corinthians 13:12-13

photo: shadows in our kitchen, 9/20/2008

Knowing and Not Knowing

It can be so strange to me what God chooses to do in life. The truth is though, that somehow God intricately designed the exact particulars of this season of my life for my good, for the good of his people, and for his glory. It doesn't make sense how it is best. I don't see the fruit and good that I want to see from all the difficulty and trial. But that is when I need to remember that God is God and I am not. I am not all-knowing. He is. Because I don't see something doesn't mean it's not there and very real and true.

What is God doing? I don't know - at least not to my satisfaction. So that is what has to change - I can be satisfied in the amount I know when I reflect on what it is that I know. I really do have knowledge of what God is doing. He is working to advance his gospel. He is working to conform me into the image of his Son. He is working to conform other Christians to the image of his Son too. He is working for all of our good. He is magnifying himself, so that we might see more of his glory. He is working to exalt Christ and glorify the Father. I really do know enough.

So when I don't understand, I need to trust in the things I do know. I know God. I want to know him more. I want that to be the point and aim of my life: to know God more, to grow in my love of Christ and become like him for the glory of God and the good of his people, both those who are his those who have yet to come to him. God is preparing me for eternity with Christ. And I cannot wait to see him there, along with the rest of his beautiful bride, made spotless by his blood. We are in process. We are not yet spotless. I don't want to resent that. But when I see my end is secure, I know I am secure here and now. And joy will come in the morning. "Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning" (Psalm 30:5).

Do I really believe the good news of the gospel? Do I live in the hope of it each day? Do I view others through the lens of Christ's blood? May it be so, more and more.

Lord, take me deeper

Into the glories of Calvary

Forgiveness

Excerpts from Tim Lane and Paul Trip in Relationships: A Mess Worth Making; Chapter 9: Forgiveness. (Emphasis added.)

When you forgive someone, you cancel a debt. But, more specifically, you make a conscious choice to absorb the cost yourself. . . . No matter how you spin it, forgiveness is costly. Regardless of how big or small the offense, canceling a debt and absorbing the cost is going to hurt. But the parable [Matt. 18:21-35] shows us that not forgiving also has a price, and it is higher than the price forgiveness demands. . . .

We’re tempted to think that once we have forgiven someone, we’re done. But forgiving someone is not just a past event. It’s something we must continue to practice, even when we are dealing with an offense we have already forgiven. Even if I have forgiven you for something you have done in the past, I need to be careful that I don’t slip into bitterness some time in the future. I need to keep practicing forgiveness every time I see you or think of you. . . .

Mark 11:25 – And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.

Luke 17:3 – If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him.

The verses are talking about two different aspects of forgiveness. Mark 11:25 is talking about forgiveness as a heart attitude before God. The context is worship. When I consider someone’s sin as I stand before the Lord, I am called to have an attitude of forgiveness towards the person who sinned against me. This is non-negotiable. I do not have the right to withhold forgiveness and harbor bitterness in my heart. Luke 17:3, on the other hand, is talking about forgiveness as a horizontal transaction between me and the offender. This is often referred to as reconciliation. The point Luke 17:3 makes is that, while I am to have an attitude of forgiveness before the Lord, I can only grant forgiveness to the other person if he repents and admits he has sinned against me. Even if he never does this, I am called to maintain an attitude of forgiveness toward the offender. The vertical aspect of forgiveness is unconditional, but the horizontal aspect depends on the offender admitting guilt and asking for forgiveness.

…It is one thing to gain clarity on what forgiveness is and isn’t; it is another to actually practice it. 

As you ponder your true identity in Christ, do you recognize how wealthy you are? This is the only foundation for the kind of radical forgiveness Jesus calls you to practice. Only by grace can you do this. You can’t read and reread 1 Peter 1 and Matthew 18 and still want to rip someone apart. If you are a beneficiary of God’s costly grace, you will practice costly grace with others.

Let me close with this real life illustration. A Turkish officer raided and looted an Armenian home. He killed the aged parents and gave the daughters to the soldiers, keeping the eldest daughter for himself. Some time later she escaped and trained as a nurse. As time passed, she found herself nursing in a ward of Turkish officers. One night, by the light of a lantern, she saw the face of this officer. He was so gravely ill that without exceptional nursing he would die. The days passed, and he recovered. One day, the doctor stood by the bed with her and said to him, “But for her devotion to you, you would be dead.” He looked at her and said, “We have met before, haven’t we?” “Yes,” she said, “we have met before.” “Why didn’t you kill me?” he asked. She replied, “I am a follower of him who said ‘Love your enemies.’”

By God’s amazing grace, may we imitate this sister in Christ in our lives and relationships. 

photo: construction on the church property today

How Great is Our God

How great is our God, sing with me

How great is our God, and all will see

How great, how great is our God

Age to age He stands

And time is in His hands

Beginning and the end

Beginning and the end

The Godhead Three in One

Father Spirit Son

The Lion and the Lamb

The Lion and the Lamb

Name above all names

Worthy of our praise

My heart will sing

How great is our God

How great is our God, sing with me

How great is our God, and all will see

How great, how great is our God

- Chris Tomlin

photo: fireworks at Creation Saturday night