When your body complains, it's hard for your heart not to follow. But not impossible.

Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. . . . I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:11-13

photo: Mirabelle Garten; Salzburg, Austria 2007

casting cares

My mom encouraged me to write down the following thoughts, which I briefly shared with her yesterday. So I made use of my journal, and now I'm making use of my blog. I like this progression. I trimmed down/edited my journal entry to share here.

God has pointed out to me in the past, and present, how I can try to take upon myself others' burdens and be their "savior." I must not do this. I need to deflect and cast their cares unto God, and not walk around weighed down by everyone's difficulties. That is not true care and compassion. True care and compassion is pointing them to their Savior and then trusting that He will work in them, not being anxious for them.

Here is a connection that has become more clear recently:

Not only should I not take others' burdens on myself, but I should not put my own burdens on myself either, especially those areas that I can do nothing about. They belong to no one but God. God has called me to steward well my time, finances, relationships, etc.. He calls me to this because they are not my own, but his. I am not my own, but his. There is responsibility in that; I cannot use anything to gratify the desires of my flesh. But there is much freedom in that, because won't God take care of his own? Yes! Absolutely. How freeing.

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Matthew 6:30

photo: Burano, Italy (near Venice) 2007

unbelief

Saturday night God allowed me to encounter two women in a very unexpected and faith-building way. I was able to connect with a girl I went to high school with and another girl I had never met from Alabama, and we had some really meaningful biblical fellowship, sharing our testimonies and praying for one another. The one girl is looking for a church, and I was able to invite her to Crossway. I left that night with my heart full of praise for and awe of God.

Sunday morning my heart was in a very different place. I did not realize it, but my heart had gone quickly from a place of faith to unbelief. I was heavy laden with concerns for others. I was in unbelief for God to continue to do powerful gospel work. I think I was assuming that because He has already done so much amazing heart work, the probability of a good thing continuing must be low, which is such ridiculous "logic of unbelief!" Rather, I should have faith that looks up and back to see where He has been faithful, and that should fill me with expectation that He will continue to be.

God used Pete's sermon to help address something that was in my heart and flip me around to see things clearly, namely that Christ is powerful, loving, and sovereign and will not let go but continue to work in us. My unbelief was uncovered and God placed faith in me that He will work no matter if I can't see how He's going to do it. I can trust Him.

We are not meant to walk around "with the world on our shoulders." My heart can so quickly leave behind the peace that is available to me in the gospel and take on cares and concerns, which is unbelief. How glad I am that God gives me faith - faith that castes my care onto my Father and finds amazing peace and joy. I need this each and every day.

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30

O Lord, my heart is not lifted up; my eyes are not raised too high; I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me. But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me.

O Israel, hope in the Lord from this time forth and forevermore. Psalm 131

photo: Lübeck, Germany 2007

Holiness and Grace

I re-read this today in Jesus, Keep Me Near The Cross. It's in the chapter called "The Most Important Word in the Universe" by Raymond C. Ortlund Jr.

At the cross of Christ, God put something forward. He declared something to the whole world. He presented, he displayed, the clearest statement about himself he has ever made. What was he saying? Two things.

One, he detests our evil with all the intensity of the divine personality. If you want to know what your sin deserves from God, don't look within yourself, don't look at your own emotions. Look at that man on the cross - tormented, gasping, bleeding. Take a long, thoughtful look. God was presenting something to you there. God was saying something about his perfect emotions toward your sin. He was displaying his wrath.

Two - here is the other thing God was presenting at the cross - the God you have offended doesn't demand your blood; he gives his own in Christ Jesus. He knows what you deserve, but he wants to give you what you don't deserve. He himself has opened the way. He took the initiative. How could it be otherwise? We can't avert the wrath of God. We're the problem, not the answer. We're helpless before God. But "God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son..." (John 3:16). At the cross, his love satisfied his own wrath. That's the second thing God was setting forth in the death of Christ.

What we couldn't do, God has done.

I have been reminded of R.C. Sproul's book titled The Holiness of God recently, and the above quote is one of the reminders. Sola read this together a few years ago. That book was one of the most helpful books I've ever read. I really would like to reread it sometime, but it's hard for me to reread books because it takes me a while to read, and there are so many books I have not read yet.

This also stood out to me in my reading today:

...if your conscience knows that you deserve the wrath of God and your only hope is God's mercy in Christ, then he longs for you to know something. He longs for you to know that he is happy over you, because he sees you through the death of Christ. God is not angry at you any more; he rejoices over you. You've got to know that He longs for you to know that your sins have been nailed to the cross, and you bear them no more.

This is why I can be happy, because He is happy over me. This is why I can caste my cares on Him, because He has taken all my sin. Oh how I need to grow in knowing the joy of my salvation.

Also because of this, I can be "happy over" other Christians. I can choose to see them as my Father sees them, through the death of Christ. I want to grow in viewing everything and everyone through the lens of God's grace. There are so many evidences of grace around me all the time and everywhere. My prayer is often that God would open my eyes to see it.

One evidence of his grace to me even today is how I can enjoy time at home. There is so much life in this home. I have many things I want to accomplish; I always seem to. But he has given me a contentment as I go along, not a spirit of striving but of enjoyment in the moment. My Father is very kind to me.

photo: Venice, Italy 2007

glory in weakness

I read Acts 3:1-10 on Tuesday morning of this week. It is about Peter, John, and the lame beggar who was healed. The last sentences say,

And all the people saw him walking and praising God, and recognized him as the one who sat at the Beautiful Gate of the temple, asking for alms. And they were filled with wonder and amazement at what had happened to him.

This man was known by/for his weakness. God used his lameness to show forth His power and glory. So, I should embrace my weaknesses, if through them God may display his glory to others in my life.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

photo: Potter County, PA 2008

An Argument for Journaling

So, it has been decided. I shall, after a very long departure, resume journal writing. My blog will probably receive some versions of the entries at times. That is the point, actually: to use a journal as a tool for me to process my thoughts and bring clarity to the often broad and spaghetti-like intertwining of a woman's mind in her early twenties, so that those thoughts are able to be communicated to others in helpful and constructive ways.

I must thank the people who have brought up the journal topic at various times in the past several months. The final straw that caved me in was a group effort in our small group at Sola last night.

I had been avoiding journal writing for a few reasons, although I was not fully aware of my reasons.

I find much more value in "speaking to yourself rather than listening to yourself." It is possible that journaling/keeping a diary can serve as a way to vent and confirm sinful feelings. For instance, you could sulk in a pity-party and be completely consumed with yourself through the way you use a journal. However, this is really not a good excuse because practically any time I journal and express those sinful feelings, I am convicted and my heart turns by the end of the entry. Something about seeing your thoughts and feelings physically written out in front of you helps you see your foolishness and gives you a desire to make your heart right before God by applying the gospel to your present state.

Another "reason" was the fact that "when words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent" (Prov. 10:19). I have been seeing more and more how lowly and foolish I am, and often feel as though those around me would have nothing to gain from me opening up my mouth. While this may be true, circumstances do come up where I cannot escape speaking, sharing, or encouraging others. I have felt very out of practice with speaking lately, and so I am not very sharp in my communication. It is very sad to see, but I have noticed that opportunities for biblical fellowship have been poorly handled. This grieves me; it truly does. I believe that I would serve, not just myself, but others around me if I took the time to "practice" communicating through the tool of journaling. Then when I do need to speak with others, hopefully I will have already done some thought processing. It seems that my brain simply refuses to process things without speaking, almost all the time! I can be tempted to envy others, especially men it seems, who can just get to the point so quickly.

A couple other hinderances to the resumption of journaling for me have been the feeling that I am writing to emptiness, or the overwhelming sense that I am not able to cover everything, so don't try to cover anything....I simply don't have the time. Those really fall by the wayside because I believe they are outweighed by the importance of how my communication and biblical fellowship could grow if I put forth a little effort. I can see how it would serve the body of Christ, and that is plenty enough reason to buckle down and be intentional with my thoughts.

My pride would like to think that I should not need to work in order to grow in clarity of communication and biblical fellowship. After all, it seems to just come naturally to so many, so why should I have to work at it? That is pride and envy. That must be put to death.

So I am going to attempt to write about the highlights of my day or week, recounting God's grace and sorting through my sin. I will do this on my computer, because typing lends itself better to editing than pen and paper (for me), and editing is a huge part of processing thoughts. I may have difficulty finding the right time, but I will have to just start and figure it out as I go.

This is a long post, with many words. I have far to go, but practice is necessary. May God be glorified. I thank him for giving me clarity on the thought of journaling. He is so kind to me.

photo: Lancaster; J&R's wedding 2010

He runs after me

But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. - Luke 15:20

My Lord, I did not choose You,

For that could never be;

My heart would still refuse You,

Had You not chosen me. . . .

My heart knows none above You;

For Your rich grace I thirst;

I know that if I love You,

You must have loved me first.

I am so glad that my relationship with God is not in my own hands. How sweet it is to realize what was true of my initial salvation, the fact that God loved me first and chose to come after me to save my soul, is true of my whole life. I need not strive. I can rest in the grace of knowing My Father will continue to pursue me. My hope is in Him, not myself.

photo: Cinque Terre, Italy 2007

Purposeful Love

C.S. Lewis in Mere Christianity says the following in his chapter on Christian Marriage (p.109):

If the old fairy-tale ending 'They lived happily ever after' is taken to mean 'They felt for the next fifty years exactly as they felt the day before they were married', then it says what probably never was nor ever would be true . . . But, of course, ceasing to be 'in love' need not mean ceasing to love. Love in this second sense - love as distinct from 'being in love' - is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by (in Christian marriage) the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God. They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other; as you love yourself even when you do not like yourself.

photo: Cinque Terra, Italy 2007

Reminders

We need to be continually reminded of our status as children of God and our spiritual resources in Christ.

(Paul Tripp, same book, page 267)

photo: our magnolia tree 2010

Engagement

Another quote from Paul Tripp, earlier in the same book:

To Paul, the only way to go through life properly is to understand that we are engaged. We have been betrothed to Christ, and our life now is preparation for the great wedding to come.

This is very encouraging to me on several different levels. I've been thinking of life with this metaphor for a while, but it was wonderful to read it so clearly from someone else - confirmation that the thought is biblical.

photo: Tuscany, Italy 2007

starting up

I thought it would be nice to have a place to put up writings that I come across which speak truth. I also may recount things that go on in my life at times.

So if you come across my blog, I hope you enjoy your visit.

Here is my first quote, taken from Paul David Tripp's book Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands (page 264):

But the Bible never presents our life on earth as a meaningless time of waiting for the good stuff that comes later. The biblical model of waiting is not simply about what you will get at the end of your wait, but about who you will become as you wait. God has promised you real, abundant life in the here and now. We have a Father. We have a home. We are rich. We struggle a great deal, but we can expect much as well.

photo: Salzburg, Austria 2007